| Today Curt spent all day at the hospital at the doctor. I guess they told him his knee is as good as its going to get. And looking at a possible med board. We shall see in a couple months I guess. They want to wait until at least a year from injury which will be June 1st. At this point they don't think a surgery will fix him or help him, it could possibly make it worse. This just sucks. He is miserable which is making me miserable. Alls he does is wants to be left alone. He was just gone two months and comes home and this cycle is starting all over again. I don't know how much of this hurt I can take. I know I shouldn't blame him, I know he has PTSD, bad....and I really try to just brush it off and let the comments or shitty attitudes slide, but is HARD. It's really hard. I miss my husband. I just want him normal again without this pain and frustration and void of emotion except anger. And he just takes it out on me and Kaylie mostly. I know he's hurting, and he's hurting me emotionally as well. Right now tears are running down my cheeks. I just don't know what to do. I really don't. I can't say anything about it or try and talk he just says "leave me alone" just leave me alone. I hate this war. I hate everything about it. Look what it is doing to my family. It's breaking us down. I know he's depressed and angry, which is making me feel the same way. Why us? Why? Yes I'm a strong person, yes we are grateful he is still alive, but this emotional toll is overwhelming at times. At this point I am just not even sure what the future holds...which is sad to say. My husband needs help and he needs it fast. I'm tired of hurting and crying and being neglected, feeling useless and no good. I don't want it to be like this for the rest of my life.. | 
bummed 
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