All over

Thursday, April 02, 2009

All over Current mood: contemplative This is gonna be all over. I have many things I need to get off my chest. First...is the difference between mine and Curt's parenting styles. He gets so frustrated with Kaylie so fast it irks me. Its like he's on a short fuse. Today we were practicing counting money with her. And she is not catching on as fast as he wanted her to. He needs to understand that she is only six, has never done math before like this and we need to teach her. He things she should catch on right away and know how to add money. Its not that simple for a kid. I see Kaylie as myself. She will be bad at math. She is a reader like me and smart in English and spelling and reads at a 3rd grade level, but she is lacking in math. I see it already.... So anyway, the school is right across the street kind of. Its a little up the road. I am a very overprotective parent and walk her to and from school everyday. Curt thinks she's old enough to walk herself to and from. I said no way. I mean she's not that good yet on looking both ways before she crosses the street and I can just picture some big tragedy happening. So we then argued about that. That I baby her. Well she is my baby. I will always be overprotective and that can I know be both good and bad. I know what is out there in this big mean world. I want to protect her froom that. Is that bad?? No. Not in my eyes. I want in no way shape or form allow kaylie to go thru what I went thru in my life. I seriously want her to be the biggest nerd ever and excel in school and life. I know me being overprotective can be bad. I'm not allowing her to be free at times. I try. I do. But its HARD for me. I guess no one can understand that unless they have lived my life. I have experienced alot of bad things in my life, which I wish to protect Kaylie as much as possible from. Curt gets angry so fast. I hate it. I don't know what to do about it. He has the shortest temper. It bugs the shit out of me lately. Maybe its because I'm pregnant and over emotional but I seriously at this point can NOT handle his mood swings. He is always...I don't know how to describe it...like he's mad. Just mad at the world. I know he's been thru a traumatic experience that has forever altered his life...I asked him tonight if he has been tested recently for PTSD. He said he has and he doesn't have it. I think he puts on a good show. I think he has it. Or something like it. I can't explain it....it just sucks. I couldn't tell you the last time I've seen him actually HAPPY. I mean happy. The Curt after his injury is a completely different Curt than the one he was before he was hurt. Its so depressing to see that... I just feel alone here. I have no one here besides Curt and Kaylie and I don't like that. I miss my friends. And its hard for me to make friends because I'm so shy. Plus of my social anxiety. I'm extremely uncomfortable in social settings. I hate crowds, they make me nervous. I'm hoping this place starts to grow on me. I remember how much I hated Georgia for the first year or so. I would cry every night and want to go home. lol. Now I love it and miss it dearly!! Things are different here at Belvoir. This post is so random. Its like they just decided "lets build houses in random places" at least at Benning it was uniform. So that takes getting used to. I have my first OB appointment on Monday so we'll see how this hospital is! Kaylie loves school here. She said she likes it better than her old school. And she likes her teacher better. She said Mrs. Blanco is nice and Mrs. Newman was MEAN. hahaha I agree. She said if there was school on Saturday and Sunday that would be just perfect. lol. Anyway...the area around here especially on Hwy 1 reminds of back home I called it "Little Mexico" today and it does look and the feel is exactly like Waukegan hahaha. Its kind of run down and gross looking. I prefer the area around Potamac Mills. Much nicer looking. I think I'll be sticking to that area. hahaha. Reminds of me Gurnee back home. :) Okay enough rambling guess I'll go and eat some apple pie now!