Bittersweet for me

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Bittersweet for me Current mood: sad watching all these homecomings is bittersweet for me. I cry every time I see it, they always break in on TV to show the homecoming. And I wish with all my heart that one of those soldiers was Curt coming home in one piece. Not broken pieces. We talked about that the other day. He has wished for this past year almost that he was still in Iraq. He misses it. He misses being a true soldier and doing what he is supposed to be doing. As we come up on the year mark since his injury in just a few weeks. I'm reflective. This past year since June 1, 2007 has been one mega roller coaster for us. It has brought us closer together and also almost brought us down. So many ups and downs in this chapter of our lives its enough to right a book I swear. We have bonded and grown more as a couple, but at times for those few who know the whole story almost brought us to the brink of divorce. This has changed us both in good and bad ways. If I could I would turn back time and take this back. I had a bad feeling before this deployment, a feeling I have never had before any other time he has left. Something was just "different". I cry about it sometimes and wish life could go back to how it was "before" but of course it won't. I have to learn to move on and accept that it won't. Curt is frustrated to of coure more so than me obviously. He went to the doctor today and they put in our consult to head us back to Walter Reed. We should hear from Tricare in a week to see exactly when we will be going. I guess its all up to them as far as when we go. I hate this not knowing what is going to happen for us. Will he stay in or will we have to get out? Oh, how I wish life was simple and my husband was JUST getting home. To not have to deal with doctors appts, having enough pills, walking too much, and possible future surgeries.No one will understand how bad I wish that he was on one of these planes!! I'm crying now just thinking about it.... Anyway, so this is a bittersweet time for us both. OIF5 was just not our deployment I guess. God decided he should not be there and he was sent home three months into deployment 3. I am glad of course it wasn't worse. It sure could've been!! I am thankful for his guys who did everything right and got him out of there asap. I am thankful he is still here with me. I'm sure this long road still ahead will still have its share of ups and downs, I promise to myself to stay strong and come out even stronger because of this!!