Blah, blah, blah

I haven't felt like blogging lately. I'm in a funk. I'm depressed. Why? I really don't know. I think some of it has to do with the holidays. I'm over them. Not in the mood this year. They say this time of the year is the worst for people. I can agree with that. I absolutely hate it here. I'm ready to be back in Georgia. I know it all has to do with my mindset too. I didn't ever give this place a chance. I was against it from the moment we were coming here. I am glad we got to come here for Curt though. It was best for him. But I have been miserable ever since we left Columbus. I miss it so much. It feels like home now.

I think some of my depression also has to do with how lonely I am. I had a fabulous group of friends at Benning. I mean we're still friends but we all live apart now. It sucks. I miss having FRIENDS. I miss being able to go to lunch, hang out, do whatever. I don't have that here. I think my standards might be too high. I compare my girls to everyone and no one compares. I like my friends. I miss them. :(
So I'm lonely, its the holidays, and I hate it here. What a great combination!

I'm just disappointed in myself this year. My social anxiety holds me back from so much. I wanted to do a lot while we were up here in the mid-Atlantic. I wanted to travel more and go see things. None of that happened. Usually due to my own lack of motivation to actually GO. I make excuses. I wanted to go to Philly, NYC, Boston, drive up to Maine and back, go to the beach. None of it happened. And now we're leaving in just under two months now. I doubt its going to happen now! Especially in winter.

Anyway, on a different note:
I think I have another side career in mind. I have been watching HGTV like all day every day. I L.O.V.E the show. I am seriously considering becoming a real estate agent on the side! I love it! I love looking at houses, finding the right one, scoping out areas and I think I would highly enjoy helping others buy or sell their houses. I'm mulling it over right now and have been asking Linda (our real estate agent) about it. It would not be a career by any means (hello..commission only for the most part), but I would love to do it on the side or while I'm still finding my dream job. School counselor jobs are hard to come by so I think it would give me something to do to fill my time as I look for a "real" job. And who's to say I won't love it and be great at it that it could become my career. haha (doubtful)

I'm ready for 2011. Let's hope its better than 2010. Isn't that what we all hope for in the end? A better year with many good things in store!

2010 is coming to a close

Thank God. This hasn't been the best year. I have found myself quite depressed for the majority of 2010. I think its a combination of having a baby who takes a lot of care (and me being a somewhat selfish person its quite a change having a baby again)and the stress of Curt's medical board. I am so glad it is coming to a close. We should get his rating in January and then start the COAD process and move back to Benning in February. I think once I'm back in my comfort zone where I have friends and family semi-close it will be better. I just have not been happy here at all. Nothing good came out of our time in DC except Brandon. I am ready for 2011!!!

We just mailed all the paperwork for our mortgage loan back to USAA. So exciting. I can't wait till we move! We our planning to sell our old furniture and get new furniture. The bedroom group we have now will go in our guest bedroom and we plan on getting a new bedroom set along with a king size bed. I also wish we could have gotten a jacuzzi tub for the master bath, I didn't even know it was an option till I was reading the paperwork over and I saw that it could have been added. Bummer!! That would have been super nice. I mean, I am not a bath person at all, I actually never take baths, I find them unappealing, but I sure would have gotten in that jacuzzi tub! :)
We could still add it, but we would have to pay a fee for making changes to the contract..so I guess we'll live without!

I'm just ready to move!! Time needs to hurry up!

What is happening?

I think its odd that Kaylie can learn all about Hannukkah and Kwanzaa in school, but yet they are not allowed to talk about the meaning of Christmas. How does that make any sense?! They don't even have Christmas plays or musicals anymore at school. Kaylie had a Christmas "play" last year. They didn't even sing one Christmas song. Not even Jingle Bells. It was some story about squirrels or something. Stupid. I also find it sad that kids don't celebrate the holidays at school. No parties, no birthday celebrations, nothing. Kaylie's classroom is not even decorated for the holiday, not even for Halloween. I think its so sad.

I remember back in school we had so much fun around the holidays. We had a Halloween party and dressed up in costumes every single year. For Xmas we had a concert and sang all the Xmas songs. Our classrooms were always decorated for whatever holiday was coming. Are we so politically correct that we now can't let our children do fun events at school. I mean when is it starting to go too far. I was allowed to bring cupcakes for Kaylie's birthday but I had to bring them at the end of the day as the kids were getting ready to head home.

I remember the magic of the holidays around Xmas. Everyone said Merry Christmas with no qualms about it. Now..to be "correct" we should say Happy Holidays. Nope. Don't think so, I make it a point to say Merry Christmas. :)

Just my little beef for the day!

Christmas Blues?

I have been so exhausted lately. I feel ever since we went to Georgia and came back I just haven't been able to catch up on sleep. We had a lot of late nights up and I was definitely lacking sleep. Add on to that the stress of buying a house and the stress of the ride back and I'm still lacking sleep. I've been wanting to go to bed and this time every night. It's driving me nuts. I just feel I can't catch a break.

Along with lacking sleep, I feel like Curt doesn't understand that sometimes I need that seperation and time to myself away from the kids. Like right now, I just dozed off on the couch for about 5 minutes before Brandon was up in my face waking me up. So I grabbed the laptop and am now sitting upstairs to have some "me time". Why is is so hard for men to realize when its beginning to be too much for their wives? Why is it so hard to see that when I'm frustrated, yelling at the kids, yelling about everything, seeming to be extra annoyed, stressed, and on edge...I need a BREAK. I'm seriously about to go crazy. Curt leaves this week for Texas for four days. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I already need a break..which I don't get...and he's about to leave!

Somedays I just want to break down. I'm ready to snap. I'm ready to lose it. And my husband doesn't get it. I am so stressed. I can't even enjoy the holidays. I'm not even in the Christmas mood at all. I have no energy, no desire to even go shopping. I have yet to buy a single present for Xmas. Kaylie's birthday was two days ago. I only bought her presents the day before! She didn't even get a cake for her birthday. What is going on? I am feeling like a horrible parent. Does it have to do with my complete lack of energy? Like I said I feel like I'm lacking sleep. I have headaches almost every day. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. Is it depression? What is going on? Even last week in GA, we were staying with a friend. I felt bad a few times because I was bitchy and moody. I apologized to her a few times about my crabbiness.

Like right now. It's 6:00 and I'm ready to call it a day and go to bed. I think we have too much going on right now. We bought a house, we're moving in two months, I'm stressed about moving, getting Kaylie in her new school, making the transition smooth, and finishing up Curt's medical board. I need to take a chill pill and try my hardest to relax. Being like this is not the answer.
Hopefully tomorrow Curt lets me sleep in as long as I want to. Lord knows I need it.

Finding is in!

Took 18 days, but Curt's PEBLO just called him, his hand and his knee were found unfit. Yay!!! So now his packet is off to the VA for his ratings. She said their backlogged so it could take up to 2 months. That's the bad news I guess. But at least we have some answers! Finally :)

Now we wait again.....

The waiting game continues

Today marks the 15th working day that the PEB has had Curt's packet. I know, I know. We are expecting it to take 6-8 weeks, so we still have another month to go at the latest (hopefully). It's just nerve wracking sitting around waiting for three people to decide Curt's future. More nerve wracking because we REALLY, REALLY hope we would have a decision before we go down to Georgia for Thanksgiving. We plan on meeting with the builder and realtor while we are there to get the ball rolling on the whole house situation. It will just add more stress to the whole process if we actually wait till we get a decision. But we know it is best to wait until we know 100% what is going on. I think it will take a miracle to get his PEB done in the next two weeks though. We've been told they are running the 6-8 weeks. So...that puts us after the holiday.
With our luck as soon as we get back that next week from being down in Georgia they will reach their decision! Just how it goes with us!

I feel though that we can at least go look at a few houses they have ready and meet with the builder who can assist us if we don't like any of the ready to move in homes he has ready. We can then have him draw up our plan and we can pick our own colors and what not.
Which reminds me I have to call USAA and get our pre-approval extended. It expires next week, so I need to get that done asap!

I know I sound like a broken record, but we are so ready to move on. We have been in limbo for three long years and 5 long months. I'm glad to know its almost done. Of course we have to deal with his injuries for the rest of our lives, but it's good to know that the tough part will be behind us. No more appointments everyday, I'm glad that Brandon will not have to endure long hospital visits like Kaylie has since she was 4. That child knows far too much about hospitals and wounded soldiers than she should for her age.

Well, looks like this blog is going to be cut short, B is waking up from his nap!

Finally November...is that good or bad??

So it's officially November 1st. With that brings many changes. First of all I am turning the big 3-0 in 26 days. I am dreading it. This is a big deal for me and for some reason I feel extremely intimidated by this life event. I guess because I still feel so unaccomplished as far as my own personal goals.
Also this month we "should" find out the PEB results!! His packet was received by the PEB on Oct 18th. Hopefully we will hear word in the next couple of weeks or so. Cross your fingers. :)

Curt has had all his tests done for seizures. He had an MRI and an EEG done. We won't know the results for another 72 hours, but both his PCM and the neurologists think it was the Tramadol. So they are chalking it up to medicine interaction. Which is good news. I mean he has never had a seizure before and it probably won't happen again, so thank God we can move past that. He is only on Tylenol 3 now for pain.

This past weekend I drove up to West Virginia to visit one of my very good friends. It was so great to see her and meet her new baby. It was a well needed little break for me and was nice to get away from my life for a bit. (I was s bit worried with my eyes though, since I found out on Friday I have an eye infection in both eyes and have to use antibiotic cream for the next ten days. So no contacts for me. My vision is a bit blurry because of it and I was worried driving in the winding mountain roads. Especially at night, but it ended up being no problem.) We had a very relaxed visit, and she drove me around her neck of the woods to show me where she grew up. I love doing things like that because I believe it helps to get to know a person better and relate to them in new ways. So I wanna thank her for her time and visiting with me. So...thanks to her ;)

Yesterday was trick or treating. Kaylie only ended up going out for 20 minutes before wanting to come home and hand out candy. So we were a little mad because we wasted money on a costume for her and she didn't even want to go. So she came home and helped me hand out candy the rest of the night. Which is whatever. She is getting at that age I guess! Who knows! Curt just took Brandon around the neighborhood which he loved. He was loving everybody that came around him. It was too cute.

Well, that's my quick update for the week. Got loads of homework to do with two midterms this week plus we have our Brownie investiture/rededication ceremony this week so I'm planning for that as well. Lord knows the other leader isn't gonna take initiative!! (which is a whole 'nother drama from last week..ugh) ;)

Scary day

Yesterday between 2:30 and 3:00 sometime, I don't remember the exact time it happened was one of the scariest things that have happened. Curt had just gone upstairs and gotten Brandon out of his crib from his nap. He brought him downstairs and changed his diaper. He walked into the kitchen to get Brandon's cup and throw away the diaper. I was sitting on the couch at this point and he walks away to go to the bathroom. I hear a crash in the bathroom. My initial thought was that he had sat on the litter box and not the toilet since they are right next to each other. I also thought I heard him laugh. So I yell to him asking what happened, expecting him to come around the corner laughing that he sat on the litter box. Well..he never came around the corner.

At this point I get up to see what is going on. I can hear him making a noise but I'm not sure if he is crying because he hurt his leg or what. As soon as I round the corner to the bathroom I see him laying on the floor in the doorway. His lower body is in the hallway and his upper body is on the floor. He is laying face down and I notice right away that he is convulsing. His whole body is shaking from head to toe and I start screaming his name.I get down to check him and I see his eyes are glazed and I knew then, he was having a seizure. I was screaming so loud that Kaylie came in from outside to see what is going on. I tell her not to come through the baby gate so she doesn't see him. He is still convulsing and he is grunting. He has his eyes open, he's face down, and I immediately grab the phone and call 911.

I'm shaking so bad and I am not calm at all. I knew when I was dialing that I would have to ask to be transferred to Fort Belvoir. When you dial 911 here it routes itself to Fairfax County and not on post. So as soon as the lady answers the phone I'm rattling off that I need to be transferred to Belvoir and I need an ambulance. She transfers me and I'm still shaking and talking way to fast. I try to calm down, but seeing my husband withering on the floor was beyond scary. He has me check his pulse and I say he has one. I can feel it. He seized about a minute in a half to two minutes. I get down to see if he is breathing and he is. He also has saliva running out of his mouth and some blood. His eyes are half open, half closed and I keep checking his pulse and breathing until the paramedics arrive.

They arrive and as soon as they come in and hover over him he wakes up. He is completely out of it and groggy. They help him up and move him to the chair. They check his blood sugar, give him oxygen, while I'm going over his medications and explaining what happened to the lead firefighter. They eventually get him on the stretcher and take him up to DeWitt hospital here on post. He had a cat scan done and they did blood work. Curt remembers none of this. He said the last thing he remembers is heading into the bathroom and then he blacked out.

So he follows up with neurology this week. He has to call tomorrow to get the appointment. What we think happened was he was prescribed new medicine by the pain clinic on Wednesday. One of the new medicines was Tramadol. And one of the severe side affects is seizures(convulsions). They took him off of tramadol and gave him a prescription for percocet again. So we think the tramadol is the culprit. We will hopefully find out when we see neurology and mention that to them.

That was are scary day yesterday. It was the most terrifying thing to witness your loved one having a seizure and non responsive. I seriously thought he was dying. One of the fears I have had since he was injured. One that scares me still. That I will find him dead one morning, I like I found him yesterday, nonresponsive and losing him. Fears that fill me with dread some days.... I cried and cried and cried all day yesterday. Of course once the ambulance left and I called my mom and sister..no one answered. No one. The one time I NEED to talk to someone..no one answers. Just made it so much worse for me. One of the few times I felt so alone as I had then. I had no one. No one. No.One.

I shut down last night. I was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. My body was shutting itself down to protect itself. I knew that and felt it so I went to bed at 9:30 last night.

I can't be strong all the time. I can't. We have been through so much. I don't know when it will be too much. When I will shut down completely. I consider myself a very strong woman. But there comes a point when I can't be strong. I need to let myself break and have that moment to just let it all out. Cry and cry and cry. I hate it, but it needs to happen. I feel like I'm running on nothing now. I need a break. I need a break before I break.

The waiting game

So we are now officially waiting on the PEB results. Hopefully it will only take 15 working days. I've heard they are running a little behind, so it could be as long as 4 or 5, even 6 weeks compared to the three weeks we were told by his PEBLO. We shall see.It's a waiting game from this point with no way of knowing anything until the results land in the PEBLO's office. I am tightly crossing my fingers for a quick decision. The sooner we can get out of here the happier I will be. I will be even more happy if we get to go back to Benning. :)

We have been talking about it non-stop. Hopefully we will have the decision early November. We have plans to spend Thanksgiving with friends down in Georgia anyway, so if it all works out as we hope it to, we will go down to Columbus for the whole week of Thanksgiving so we can meet with the realtor and builder while spending Thanksgiving with our friend in her house that she just bought and moved into a few weeks ago (which I can't wait to see!!).

I'm getting really excited at the very real prospect of becoming a homeowner soon. It's exciting to think about. I can't wait to decorate it and paint, and make it our home! It's a huge responsiblity to own a home, one we are both ready for. I can't wait to make our lives in Columbus.

Curt got his segway through the Segway for Vets program a few weeks ago. He is having a ball riding that thing around the neighborhood. He has ridden it up to work twice as well! hahaha
Everyone slows down to stare at us and everyone asks him about it all the time. I rode it twice. It's fun but scary because it goes 12mph which is pretty fast. At least it feels fast anyway. That's his new toy for the time being.

Curt started a few physical therapy sessions again for his back that has really been bothering him. There is a huge waitlist for acupuncture--like a year wait, which he wants to try, so we seriously doubt he'll get in before we leave since we will be out of here fairly soon. He also saw sports medicine this past week and got a shot in his knee which I was pissed about when he came home and told me he let them do that. His ortho surgeon specifically said NO shots in the knee, absolutely not!!! He has a huge risk of infection, so I was shocked when he said that he okayed a shot. If I had been there I would have never let that happen. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!


That's our update for now. Keep your fingers tightly crossed for a quick PEB decision for us!!!! :)

Answers Are On the Horizon!!

Curt's peblo called him this morning to come in at one this afternoon. He went in and signed his NARSUM and his med packet is getting sent to Walter Reed for the PEB's decision. It should take 15 working days, so we're looking at three weeks for a fit or unfit decision. Finally, three years later, in just a mere 15 working days we will know our fate. It's nerve wracking and very stressful. We're both nervous. In less than 90 days we will be out of here!!!!

Somethings Gotta Give!

Something has definitely gotta give. I have stretched myself too thin. It's by my own doing of course. I have four classes going on right now. Wayyyyy too much work. Especially on top of taking care of the house, kids, husband and other obligations. Girl Scouts is a big one. I'm thinking its gonna have to give. I can't do it all. Especially with our big move in the very near future. Once we combined troops we meet every single week now. My coleader is not very good at helping out. She adds more stress to me, which I need to address with her. This past week she contacted me the night BEFORE the meeting to see if I could run it and plan it. She's "busy". Yeah okay. Thankfully I had planned meetings way in advance so I just pulled out my notes and got some activities prepared. Kinda made me mad. Plus, she is ALWAYS late! To everything. Every meeting, last night for the campfire, just every thing we have planned. She was an hour late last night to the campfire.
Girl Scouts is the most unorganized place I have ever seen. Anyway, just my little rant about that.

So something has to give, and its gonna be that. School comes first. I'm starting to fall behind, because I do have four classes. And I just can't keep up between every thing else in my life. Brandon only naps once a day now. For an hour and a half to two hours. Other than that two hours max the only other time I have to myself is at night once the kids go to bed. I have been soooo exhausted trying to keep up. My house is suffering. I just don't have the energy or time to clean or even cook dinner. I want to go to bed every night early and I can't because its the only time I have to do homework. It sucks! I have resorted to doing my reading assignments while B plays sometimes when I can..even if it is just a paragraph or two at a time.

So yeah, I'm stressed, big time. I am even contemplating finding a sitter for B while I work on homework. I mean I only have four classes for four weeks, since it is just that they are overlapping each other. My sociology class ends in three more weeks now, then I'll be back down to three. I'll never do that again. That's for sure!!

So Curt's NARSUM is complete. His doctor who typed it up only had to fix about three or four things in it..a couple dates were wrong and then she stated he can run at his own pace, when he should not run at all. So we got those things fixed. It has to be correct and match up with his medical records otherwise it will get kicked back, so we read it over and over again to make sure it looked good. It's going around for signatures now, then he'll meet with his Peblo next week to finish getting the packet ready then its sent off to Walter Reed for the decision! Apprently it only takes about 15 days once they receive his med packet for a decision, but if they are backlogged it could take longer. His PCM said the process will move fast from here. So we'll see! A decision is in the very future though!!! :)

I have more to say, but like I said, i'm stressed for time, so this is it for now! Peace, love, and joy to all

Quick blurb!

Curt's NARSUM will be done today or tomorrow. Yay!!!!!! We go in next week to read over it and then he signs it by Friday. Then it goes around for signatures, they put it all together in a packet (medical records, LES, last three NCOER's, commander's letter, etc) and off it goes to the PEB :)
Yay!!!!! Another step closer. :) :)

Random thoughts

So Curt's extension finally went through. His contract is extended until August I think it is. Thank goodness too because our decals are expiring as well as our ID cards. Which I'm happy to be getting a new ID next month because I absolutely despise my picture!! Hopefully we'll get some news on the med board front soon. We still haven't heard anything. He goes back to the doctor on Thursday so I guess we'll find out how his NARSUM is coming then I guess. Nothing else to report on that front.

This has been a busy week for both of us. Curt has been getting more involved with events for the wounded warrior program. Today he is on a 17 mile bike ride with the project and is getting a segway in a few weeks, which he is ecstatic about. He also went to press conference at the Pentagon a few days ago to announce the 2nd inaugral wounded warrior games in Colorado in May. He is hoping to compete again and get some more metals in archery and wheelchair basketball. He is also joining the volleyball team here on post for the WTU and enjoys it. They worked on shooting a commercial for it the other day..all day...he was exhausted when he got home.

As for me, I am drowing in school work and haven't even started my paper I have to write for sociology. I have had three exams this week plus other things to do for my classes. Thankfully this was the last week of my government class and I'm already done with my final in that class. So now I'm back down to two classes..until next Monday when my meterology class starts! Hopefully I can keep up with the work load.

Its getting harder as Brandon gets older. I can only do work when he is sleeping and at night. It's impossible to work while he is awake because he is very demanding. I feel so rushed in my days to try to keep up the house, cook, help Kaylie with her homework and do my own. All while trying to spend quality time with two kids. It is exhausting. Brandon naps once a day, twice if I'm lucky. And only for an hour and a half to two hours. 2nd nap is much shorter if he even naps at all. Trying to balance being a housewife, mother, student, and girl scout volunteer is hard and I'm just trying to find my niche and make it all work. I'm stressed out big time with all of this.

It doesn't help that I want answers as to our future. I want to know what is going to happen. Where we are going to go. It's hard when your a controlling person like myself and can't control what is happen and how fast or slow it is happening.
My stress shows when I'm dealing with people, even the kids. I get frustrated so fast. Yesterday I called to make Katy's vet appointment. I was on hold for five minutes before hanging up and calling back to be put on hold again. I was transferred to the appointment maker and she asked ONCE AGAIN if I would hold...and thats when I became a bitch! I said no I will not hold, I've been on hold twice now and JUST want to make an appt. I'm sure the lady thought I was the rudest person on earth, but I'm getting to the point where I don't care. I want it done now, and I was tired of waiting for someone to answer the damn phone. Wasting my time, which is limited to hold forever, just pissed me off.
Curt tells me all the time how rude I am to people. Maybe I am, but sometimes idiots need to to get a grip and learn how to do things. I have no tolerance for idiocy. I get tired of being nice sometimes and feel the need to just speak my mind!!
Guess that is just my mood this week...not taking bullshit. :)

Up and down we go!

I hate how my weight keeps fluctuating. Down and up, down and up. I've been so busy I have had zero time to work out so of course, my weight is going BACK up. I feel like I will never lose this stubborn 20 pounds. My pregnancy with Brandon killed me. Of course it was worth it and I wouldn't trade my son for anything, but getting the weight off is proving to be tougher than I thought. I will lose weight and start feeling good, then something happens where it all gets messed up. Especially when we eat out. I know how horrible that is for you. I know that they are full of fat and calories, even the so-called healthy meals. It's awful and frustrating.

We're all working on eating healthy. I buy 100% whole wheat bread now, cutting out soda (except for at least one a day), I can't quit that cold turkey, eating my fruits and veggies and buying everything whole grain that I can including my pasta. Eating habits are a tough thing to change, but we're working on it. My goal is to get back down to single digit pants size and be able to run again. I just have to reach deep down and find that motivation!!!

On another front, things are picking up big time. I have massive school work to do which I haven't even started because I've been busy with Brandon and Girl Scout planning and getting to know my co-leader. I'm really excited with that. We have so much fun stuff planned for the girls!! Many trips and fun activites. It all starts next week on Thursday is our first meeting, Friday we have our Welcome Back campfire with smores and hot dogs and such, Saturday we're going down to an apple orchard farm for "fall fun day" ...and then Sunday the 3rd is our family pictures in the park. Monday is Brandon's birthday. My baby boy is turning ONE on October 4th. I can't believe it!!! The time flew by! Were not doing anything fancy or anything. I will make him a little cake and thats it besides some presents. :)

Hitting a lull

Curt went to the doctor this morning to see how his NARSUM is coming. Guess what...Dr. Edmundson hasn't even started it!!! Great. So much for the 35 days. It's almost been 35 days. Sigh. So Curt sent an email to his peblo asking him what is going on since apparently the doctor is waiting on the packet from the VA which comes through the peblo. Why is that dumb ass taking so long to get the packet over to the Dr???? Really! So like I said Curt emailed him to see what the hold up is. I hate when he emails since you get a slower response. I wish that he would either call him or go up to his office at the hospital. Oh well. We'll see what he has to say when he finally responds back..or not. HA.

This med board stuff is very frustrating and mentally draining. We did Curt's side by side on Wednesday (where Brandon had a complete meltdown..but that's a whole 'nother story). The side by side is where we see both of his pays side by side--obviously--all broken down. The pay on the left is if he was to stay active duty. The pay on the right is him retiring now at 100& disability. Since he is likely to get 80% through the army she said that then the VA would probably rate him 100%. so she calculated his retirement pay at 100%. Either way its a pay cut if he retires now. By 20G's. That's a lot..a big difference. But we noticed when we got home that his active pay was calculated as still receiving social security disability, which when he goes back to a "real" unit, he will stop receiving SSD. So we calculated that loss and found the difference in pay to only be a grand. That's it. He would lose a grand if he retired now.

So Curt's first though was. Damn, well I'll take retirement since we won't be losing much. I said, umm, honey, that's a grand extra a month we would/will have if you stay in. So honestly it is still better to stay in. I don't want to lose a grand a month. It's not like I will have to worry, or him have to worry, about deploying again since he is non-deployable so I think the best option still is to do the COAD like we were planning to.

It just sucks that things have slowed down. I hate, hate, hate waiting and we have been waiting for a decision for a long time. By the time we get out of here, God knows when now, his initial date of injury will be almost four years! Four years of doctors, physical therapy, surgeries, ups and downs. It begins to take its toll on a person. Curt especially, but his family as well. This whole thing has put a lot of stress and anxiety on me. I'm learning to deal with it and learn to accept the things I cannot change, which is hard. I have a very hard time of letting things go and let be what will be. It's all just frustrating at times. It makes me frustrated and mad to know this is the life we will have for as long as we live. To know that in as little as twenty years or so my husband will end up being wheelchair bound for the rest of his life. He will probably only to be able to have one more revision on his knee before they cannot do anymore for him.

It's hard to deal with. If I could turn back time and take it all back..I would. This isn't the life we imagined for ourselves. It's sad to see what has become of my husband of a war that should have never been. My husband was blown up for nothing. My husband lost so much of himself in that God forsaken country of Iraq. It makes me mad to even think about it at times.

Guess I'm having a pity party today. Which is perfectly fine, I'm entitled to it every now and then! And the longer we stay here in limbo the more depressed I become.....will there ever be an end to this long, treacherous road...will we ever find the door out of this place??

Busy Bee!

I have been so busy since school started. I had my first service unit meeting last Wednesday. That's all the girl scout leaders on Fort Belvoir. We have a meeting once a month. It was pretty cool. Met a lot of new faces. We'll see if any of us become friends. :)

Kaylie loves school of course. Her teacher's name is Miss Spunzo. She is really nice. I liked her instantly. She's a pretty new teacher. This is only her third year teaching. So she's a young buck. Definitely makes me feel really old haha. We have her back to school night tomorrow and I am at the Girl Scout table helping get new girl scouts for all our troops. I'm excited to help out in that way. Back to School nights are Monday and Tuesday so I have that going on those days. I am getting all my paperwork together and getting things ready for my first meetings. Kinda nervous about it. I really hope someone else steps up and wants to help with my troop. I need a co-leader desperately.

I feel like I have way too much on my plate. I have three classes going on myself right now for school. My work load has increased a lot, and on top of making sure I get all my homework done I have girl scouts and taking care of my house and kids! I don't know how a full time career woman balances all that. I don't know how my sister balances babysitting, taking care of her own kids..all SIX of them, takes care of the house, AND leads THREE girl scout troops AND the vista. She's insane.
Hopefully soon I'll find a niche and be able to balance it all, but right now I'm still getting used to having more things to do on top of my normal things. It'll work out though I'm sure.

We have our fall pictures set up to be photographed on Oct 3rd. I'm really excited about that. This is the first time ever we are doing photos outside and the first time I am leaning away from the traditional Xmas thing. I want something new and fresh! I love this photographers work. She is very creative and I love her pictures. We are going to a park that has old civil war bunkers as well. It will be so pretty with the fall leaves in the background. :)
Now I am on the prowl for outfits. I want us all in a different color, I want to offset the leaves so I'm looking at dark purples, olives, browns, and gray. I'm so excited and hope it turns out fantastic!

Anywhoo. No news on the med board front yet. Curt signs his commanders letter on Monday. Another step down. Still waiting on the NARSUM. Who knows when they will get that done. Now its just a waiting game. Waiting on paperwork. Story of the army. Curt extended his contract by nine months last week. His ETS date was supposed to be Nov 9Th. Now its Aug 2011. But of course he's staying in so that doesn't matter. But since you can't reenlist in the med board we have to wait.

When he reenlists he is transferring his GI bill to me. I plan on using it to get my master's. I haven't decided yet what school I will go to. It will be either Columbus State or Auburn. I'll research it more seriously once I am in my senior year. I won't be done with my BA for awhile yet so nothing I want to worry myself with and stress out about now.

Yesterday we had a horrible day. Curt went to Six Flags with two friends and ended up losing the car keys on a roller coaster. I was pissed. One our car key would be three hundred dollars to replace since its a key less remote, our house key is 50 bucks to replace. Plus Our mailbox key and my girl scout hut key was on there. I was LIVID.I had to drive all the way up there to give him the spare key and drive all the way home. It was an hour and a half round trip. No fun. Especially at B's nap time! Thankfully when we called up to the park this morning the keys had been turned in so Curt went up there to get them now. What a huge relief! But our car tire also has a screw in it. So were gonna need a new tire probably. I don't know how that happened. That car is only a year old and in no way does it need a new tire. I hate when stuff like that happens.


That's my quick update. I'm busy so I don't have time to sit and empty my thoughts onto my blog. I wish I did! But B's napping and I need to get stuff done while he is sleeping :)

Ramblings

Today was Kaylie's open house at school. We got to meet her teacher who is young and seemed like she is going to be a great teacher for Kaylie. This is only her third year teaching, so yes, she's young..younger than me by far hahaha. I think that has pros and cons of course. But overall I am happy about her teacher and think Kaylie will enjoy 2nd grade.

I'm still getting back into the swing of things here. Last week was extremely tense and very emotional. I'm glad that the "worst" is over and my sister's family can begin to take the baby steps forward to make their situation better. They definitely have a long road ahead of them, but it must start somewhere and I'm very happy that things are starting to look up just a bit for that very fragile situation. My heart still aches for them as they have many issues that need to be dealt with, but I'm glad they are taking the steps needed to get there and get my niece and the whole family in better shape and have better relationships. It's been a long time coming....and that is the end of that topic as its a private family matter...

Anywhoo...so I'm still getting into the swing of things and I'm getting very nervous and anxiety ridden about Girl Scouts starting up. I almost have panic attacks thinking about it somedays. It's annoying. I got my binder out so I can go over the first parent meeting and also my first four troop meetings and start getting things ready for that. I feel like I'm starting to pile on too much at times, even though I know its not. I'm in the middle of two classes right now and start another class this coming Monday. So my class load is increasing. I've never taken three classes at once, so I'm nervous about that and also nervous about getting all my work done for school, getting Kaylie comfortable and adjusted to a new school year, starting Brownie's, and also volunteering to help out in Kaylie's class when I can. It's good though, and I know everything will be fine...its just me and my stupid mind that thinks irrationally at times. :)

I can't believe Brandon is going to be ONE next month. In one month in two days he will have his first birthday. Makes me sad. They do grow up so fast. Still feels like Kaylie should be four or five and just starting kindergarten, not second grade!! I turn 30 in a few months as well. Which is awful. hahaha. I don't like getting older! I want to be in my twenties forever. :(

I'm getting our outfits together for fall pictures. I found a great army wife photographer who does really, really good work. I want to change it up and not do the same old christmas pictures like we have done every frikin' year. So we're gonna hopefully do them next month in early October and do them at a gorgeous outdoor location close to the Potomac. Should be pretty with the fall leaves in the background. So I'm excited about that.

Umm....what else....nothing new with Curt. No news on the med board front. Still waiting on the NARSUM and all that. So nothing new to report there.
September is just a busy month with birthdays for a lot of my family including my mom, sister, sister in law, and two nieces, not even counting friends. Our anniversary is the 13th. And many girl scout meetings and service unit meetings and back to school nights at the elementary school. Looking at my calendar there is something written almost every single day! So this month should fly by. Which is good. One more month closer to getting the heck out of dodge! :)

Life can change in an instant

We are having a family emergency as I type. I don't want to get into details yet because it is still fresh and new and our family is still processing what happened and coping with what is going down. I flew home immediately on Thursday to be there and it absolutely broke my heart and hurt me to the core to get back on that plane to come home. I wish I was still there. I wish I could take all the pain away and all the confusion, hurt, and anger. This has been a long time coming and I am glad that now it is getting taken care of. It will be a long rode to recovery and mental health but I am proud of my family for taking the right steps even if they second guessed what they did to help my family member in need. I am glad I got to visit my family member before I left which helped. I'm glad that she is on the right path now and hope that one day she will know this is what is best for her and this is the sign of ultimate love. Life can change so fast. I don't ever want to take it for granted. And I do, we all do until something like this happens to give you a slap in the face. Hug your loved ones a little closer today and remember to tell them how much they mean to you and how much you love them....

Life Choices

Are hard to make! For the past two weeks I have been researching Master's programs. I know, I know...way ahead of myself since I don't even have my BA yet, but I like to plan and have direction. I go back and forth on what I want to do. I've been researching colleges like crazy and also going back and forth to the APA (American Psychological Association) and NASP (national association of school psychologists) to see what colleges are accredited through each association. Well the APA only accredits doctorate programs since really, that is all that counts in the psych field. And the NASP accredits both master's and doctorate.

What I want to do is be a school psychologist as I have stated before. When I get my PhD or PsyD, is where I get confused on what I want. Eventually, yes I would want to get my license as a clinical or counseling psychologist and be able to have my own practice. Of course that is the ultimate dream for a psychologist. But I also would love to get my PhD in school psychology and work at that level. I would love to be in the school setting working with kids (particularly high school kids) and help them make life decisions to achieve their goals and also help them with the issues teenagers face in their personal lives. That is what I would love.

As I get older, yes...I will be 30 very shortly..sigh. I eventually want to get my PhD or PsyD like I stated. But that will come much later as I won't do that to my kids until they are older. The program is offered at Auburn University and that is a good 45 minutes away from Columbus. That is my dream eventually and I hope to make that happen. It is extremely competitive though, which is another thing I have to take into account. I'll be getting my masters from either Columbus State or Capella online, both accredited through NASP of course. With my masters (in school psych) I will be working in Columbus somewhere at a school. So when I do start my doctorate I will have to put that on the back burner since it is a 5-6 year degree plan. Like I said it is also competitive. Extremely. As in 160 applicants at Auburn last year and only 8 were excepted into the program! Yup...odds are slim. But you have to fight for what you want. And as long as I continue to push for it, I will get there, even if it takes me years to get in! :)

I'm finding school right now to be boring. It's not stimulating enough for me. I want MORE. I'm bored in my classes. I'm getting all A's which is awesome of course, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. Even this math class I was so worried about. I only have problems with fractions. For some reason fractions and me don't get along. I just don't get it. I can practice and practice but I can't get fractions. Other than that it's easy. I can do algebraic expressions and polynomials, and equations no problem! I'm gonna take on more classes starting next month. I think I need a bigger work load. This two classes at a time is not enough. So I'm taking three or four at a time.

Which also has me worried because I'm scared I'll take on too much, then we have school starting for kaylie and girl scouts AND we'll be moving in Dec or Jan. I think sometimes I just like stress and the more on my plate I have the better I do. I don't know. I'm weird I guess!

Other than me making my life decisions its boring around here. No updates on anything! :)

Moving along!!!!

Yep! Like the title states! Curt's physical results are back here on Belvoir now in the PEBLO's office. Yay!!!!! Now the results are forwarded to Curt's PCM and she finishes up writing the NARSUM (narrative summery)and Curt gets the commanders letter. Then all that is sent in a packet along with his medical records to the board and they reach the decision if he meets medical standards or not. His PEBLO said his case is going faster than he anticipated so we should hear something in 35 days. 35 days!!!!!!! That is NEXT MONTH. whoo-hooo!!!!

Of course I will keep you updated as we are updated. :) :) :)

OFFENDED!!!

I get really upset when I hear people say that wounded soldiers should not be allowed to continue to serve. They should be cut out with a disability package and a wave goodbye. This really upsets me. One my husband almost died for this country, he didn't ASK to be blown up by a bomb. He didn't ask for all the things he has gone through to happen. Why shouldn't a combat wounded soldier be allowed to continue to serve??? There are plenty of positions they can hold that do not require deployment. There is instructors, cadre, career counselors, recruiting, branch managers, wounded warrior project mentors, positions at the Pentagon, White House...The list could go on! Not every job has to deploy. Why should they be cut loose just because of their disabilities? I just don't see the reasoning behind this! It baffles me. It hurts me that people can go so low as to say, alright your hurt, peace out dude! Your services are no longer needed since you CAN'T DEPLOY! Ugh..makes me sooooo mad!!

Yes I understand the purpose of the military is to defend our country. I get it. BUT not everyone serves the purpose to actually FIGHT the actual war. My husband did that, been there done that. 3 times! First for the invasion of Iraq in march of 2003, then again in 2005, then again in 2007 when the odds finally came against him and he was injured by an IED. People are still needed on the homefront. If the need arose he could still fire a weapon. He has two hands. He just can't carry a combat load and that makes him non-deployable. Could he still fight for our country if he was allowed to. You bet! Just like every other seriously wounded solider would!!!
I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I respect that, but I would seriously like to know WHY they should not be allowed to continue to service our country in other jobs that fit their limitations?? Please...explain..

So disheartening to hear people talk the way they do about the wounded.

Bored, so blogging :)

So let me tell you how Curt's physical went yesterday. He said the doctor was very nice and when he walked in the room she had literally boxes of his records. She was trying to go through them before his appointment and was still going through them when she called him back. She spent about 30 minutes inputting all the info into the computer then started his head to toe physical. The main issue is, of course, his leg. She measured his scars. His longest one on the outside of his leg is 18 inches. The scar down the middle from his total knee replacement is 12 inches. And the inside scar on his leg is 14 1/2 inches. Some big ass scars! The scar on his hand is only 5 inches. She did say that Curt has flat feet. Which he has never been told before. Interesting to hear I guess. And also Curt talked to her about his "bathroom issues". She suggested he should try a gluten-free diet. Which I have been researching and omg, that would be so hard for him. No bread, no cereal really, no cakes, no pies, no BEER. He's not sure if he wants to try it yet. I told him he should try it and see if it helps his issues. We shall see I guess!!

Today was his DTAP. He thought it was boring of course and wanted to leave. Tomorrow he is heading up to Walter Reed to visit a wounded soldier. Someone who has no family or anybody really. He's doing it as a favor to a friend. He wants me to go with, but I really don't want to drag Brandon into a hospital setting like that. Kaylie either. I think going up to Ward 57 would definitely not help me either. It would bring back memories and probably..well it definitely would...shoot my anxiety way up. So I probably won't go.

I have my first appointment with my therapist September 1st. Yeah, of course I'm anxious about it. Helloooo...anxiety city right here! I'll probably want to bolt right out the door as soon as I walk in. I'll be a sweaty mess for sure and extremely nervous and emotional.

Ummm...what else??? Where having a yard sale this weekend. Hopefully we'll sell a lot of the things were trying to get rid of. It's mostly baby things. Stuff we wasted money on and NEVER used. The bottle warmer, yeah never used it, boppy, yeah, never used it, bumbo seat, yeah, rarely used it!! I could go on. We so overspent and bought way to much for Brandon. But I was so excited of course I wanted it all. :)
His swing he barely used. It's brand new! Bouncer, barely used. Ugh..what a waste!
Oh well. No more kids so no more baby stuff I guess!

That's about all :)

Huge Step!!...and other thoughts of mine

So today was Curt's VA physical for his med board. Finally!!!! You have no idea how long we have waited for this day. He was injured 3 years and 2 months ago. What a relief it was to know this day had finally arrived. His appointment was at 830 this morning, so of course, being here in DC he had to leave at 630 for the 15 mile drive to make sure he got there in time. Annddd he got there a little after 8! haha Gotta love DC :)

He said it was a very thorough exam. He was quite impressed by how much in detail they went through everything. He didn't get home until a little after two this afternoon so it was a good five hour appointment! Now we just wait!! Tomorrow he has the DTAP briefing and he sees his PCM who is writing up his NARSUM. After that we wait for the med boards decision. Up to 35 days. It is exciting to know we will know our future in a months time. It is a huge step we have been waiting months for. To move on, past this. Sigh..it will be like a huge weight off of our shoulders. So exciting!!!
I will of course keep you updated on this process and journey as it continues. :)

Anyway! I've been doing some heavy thinking the past couple of days. Mostly about my past. On facebook I ran across one of my ex's. Actually my first love. I have always wondered about him and what he had done with his life. Where he was, etc. So it was shocking to see him pop up one day. I dated him my whole sophomore year of high school and beginning of my junior year. He was the first guy I ever loved. I also lost my virginity to him. Anyway, he was a bad boy, a gang banger, and also smoked weed. We used to always hang out at Anna's house and a couple times I saved his butt when he got in a car accident in my car and also when he used my car to burglarize someones house. I defied my mom over him, I got in trouble all the time over him, lost friends over him... I even got jumped because of him. Sigh...so anyway he came up on facebook and I clicked on his profile to see what the hell he ever did with himself. mmm..not much. It looks like he lives in a trailer, has five kids, just looks GROSS.

It made me think of how different my life would have been if I didn't get out of that ghetto stage. If I had stayed with him and never moved away from Zion. OMG.
It made me grateful for being smart enough to 180 myself. To get out of "Zompton" to choose Curt as my husband, to have Curt as my soul mate, to have my true love. It made me see how GOOD my life is. How much we HAVE. We have a lot. More than a lot of people do. It made me grateful I have been given the opportunities I have and am pursuing my degrees and plan on making something of MYSELF.

When I sit back and think of "what could of been" I am eternally gratefully that its not!! I can't believe I was like that. I can't believe I was a bad girl. I can't believe I have been arrested and fingerprinted and a mug shot taken of me all for nothing. I can't believe I was THAT girl. It is definitely not something I am proud of and I don't know if I would take it back, because the experiences I had with not only him but that whole projects crowd shaped me and made me know the dirty life. By dirty I mean drugs, guns, whores, alcohol, burglaries, jail, brawls. The life of the ghetto. I lived that. I have been through it. I have witnessed drive bys, people being stabbed and have been around drugs since I was 14. Even after I was jumped I, myself started carrying a blade around. For protection. I needed it. Like I said I am not proud of those years of my life. But I am thankful to not be so ignorant to the projects and what that life is like. And I see him now and see he still lives that life, still probably a drug dealer, still a gang banger, who knows. Frankly it makes me sad to see it.

I am thankful I grew out of that. Thankful I turned my life around. Thankful I did not become some white trash wigger girl. I am thankful that I got out of that environment, made great friends, met a fabulous soul mate and got my life on a better track. When I think of how my life could have turned out..it disgusts me.

So that's my insight of the day. A little piece of my twisted life.

I don't like to talk about those years of my life in high school. It was an absolutely crazy part of my life. I'm glad I am with Curt, I am glad I have two amazing children who I hope never see that kind of life or witness any of the things I have witnessed or hang out with that type of crowd. I guess...yeah, I do consider myself to be a snob now. I'm better than that old Dacia. Frankly, I like the new Dacia... Thank GOD!! :)

My old Journal!! And so many memories of Curt's injury

Sigh....Should've never opened that folder up...

Truck hit again, June 1, 2007
My hubby called this morning at 4 from baghdad hospital his truck was hit again and this time he is going to Germany then he thinks back home here. I don't know what is exactly wrong i have yet to be notified by the army and he was pretty much incoherent and I coudn't undestand what he was saying to me so I wll give an update as soon as I call rear d here...

....I am sooo exhausted going on three and a half hours sleep! The Dept of the Army informed me this morning at exactly 8:00...she didn't tell me much just that "she is calling to inform me my soldier was involved in a roadside bomb attack and he suffered shrapnel wounds to his right leg, he is being evaluated at the EMT clinic in Baghdad and it is a non-life threatening injury." That was all I got from her. I said my husband told me he had surgery and was needing at least a couple more so he was going to Germany. She said Well this is all the information I have at the moment.If he goes to Germany he will probably call you before we do to update you.
This is so frustrating! I don't know how bad he is or what exactly is going to happen next! Now we play the waiting game I guess.....

....Update--he is on his way to Germany as we speak...um I was told to allow maybe two days for the doctors to evaluate him and decide whether or not I need to come there...he will probably call me before I get another update from the DOA...that is all I know at this point...I am staying strong because I know he is alive and for that I am thankful...the full extent of his injuries I do not know yet...haven't heard a peep since yesterday afternoon...so getting kinda antsy for some info I know they said it would be a couple days....I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a busy day!

June2nd
I still don't know how bad he is, what the extent of his injuries are, how long he could be in the hospital, anything!! I thought Curt would try to contact me again last night but the phone never rang...I was told by the DOA yesterday that once he was in Germany they (the DOA) would call me with a 1800 number so I could call him there...still nothing! So frustrating!

June 3rd
Update--he just called again he is still in Baghdad, his flight to Germany was cancelled...hoping to go in the next day or two for another surgery...his whole right leg is broken, his arm, his index finger and shrapnel wounds on his left leg. He will be going to Walter Reed from Germany. He said he is out of commission for a LOONNGG time...and is tired of laying in bed!! HaHa...he sounded the same...he just said this was the worst experience of his life and I asked him if there was a lot of blood and he said yes...I think he is still out of it, doped up on some drugs
I told him to call me again when he can...and that all of his soldiers are worried about him
thats my update

June 4th
Curt is now in Germany, having one more surgery tomorrow before sending him to Walter Reed on Friday. Sounded much better! Still in pain of course and we have a long recovery road ahead of us, but all in all he seemed in pretty good spirits! Can't wait to see him! I will be going to WR to be with him expenses paid by the army...((sigh))
I am exhausted....but I am still so thankful and so overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and sympathy...but we will get thru this because we are Army Strong!!

June6th
nothing yet, he had another surgery today and will be at WR on friday...thats it for now...the DOA took all my travel info from me...thats it...he will be flyinginto WR on friday as long as nothing is postponed..the DOA just took all my info so I'll be ready to go when the docs give the ok.
He had surgery this morning just to clean out the wounds (3rd one) the shrapnel is still in his leg-lower left-he says he can see it. His right leg is shattered pins are basically holding it together from his hip to his ankle. His right arm and hand is broke and his pinky finger on his left hand.
Today he was kinda in a bad mood which is probably to be expected! I can't wait to see him probably next week-just gonna give him a big ol kiss!

June 11th
disgusted
with the army right now! still at home! they have me on a flight tomorrow at 630am...BUT they did not include Kaylie!!! so now I am waiting for them to call back to see if they can get her on the plane! I am appalled and so disappointed in the army! I mean I could have driven and been there by now if I had the money!! This is absolutely ridiculous! my husband was hurt 10 days ago now and I am STILL in georgia!!! I finally broke down today...this is just enough...I am very very disappointed in the way this whole thing has been handled...they promise me I would go today but no lets wait until 130pm to call me and tell me the only flight out of columbus was leaving at 136 so now I have to wait another day...if this would have been taken care of three days ago like it was SUPPOSED to I would not be in this situation...okay sorry done venting!! just had to get that out, i have been crying since I got off the phone with them...what else can go wrong??

okay, just got my call, now I AM leaving again tomorrow at 630am!! I feel so much better! I even got my tickets in hand!! That is such a relief to me you have no idea.

June 13th
Finally made it to WAlter reed yesterday...what a journey!! My first plane out of columbus was delayed because they could not fuel the plane because of the lightening. then my plane in atlanta was delayed because of a mechanical malfunction with the plane and sat on the tarmac for one hour!! made it here though with a HUGE headache LOL...got to my hotel dropped my bags and said take me to the hospital!! I got there and he was still in recovery from surgery.sat in his room for about two hours before he made itback up. Talked to his roomate who was also injured by an IED...nice family going thru basically the same type of injury. Even though his roomate might lose his foot. Curt looks really good. on a scale of 1-10 I'll say 7. He has surgery tomorrow to remove the rods bascially holding his leg together and they will put in pins to start putting his leg back together. We got him in a weelchair today and we walked all around the hospital...and I have to say Curt is so lucky compared to some of these injured soldiers here! My heart goes out to them but they are all in good spirits it seems which is wonderful. the emotions here and evrything there are no words to describe. We've already met the NFL team washington redskins and a retired brig. general! who almost made me cry...fought in every war since WW2!! sweet old guy...thats my update for now!

Well, things are going as good as they can right now! Curt had surgery a few days ago and another one yesterday but it was only minor yesterday to replace his splint on his leg. They cannot put any casts on him until his open wounds heal. They seem to be healing nicely though. His major surgery they removed the rods and put pins in his leg, too many to count which he will have for the rest of his life unfortunately...His leg is broke in two places, above his knee and below his knee. He has pins from about five inches above his knee to about six inches from his ankle. My poor baby! He will probably get arthritis in his knee later in life. Also, he did suffer bone loss and cartilage from his knee, and he has two wound vacs coming from his knee which is gross! just machines sucking out all that icky stuff from his knee.

My room does suck, it is sooo tiny with a slanted floor and a leaky ceiling, but there is nothing else available right now so I will live, I spend most of my time at the hospital anyway! I am supposed to be at teh Mologne house but there is no room of course, but I do call everyday to check to get the hell out of this room!

Kaylie is going to stay with my sister in Chicago next week..that will be good for her she's pretty bored! We got to meet a Nascar driver today last name was Martin he drives the army car...pretty cool...

June 20th
We got to meet Regis Philbin today and had our pics done with him, will be shown on tomorrow mornings show!! I was almost crying but Curt couldn't stop cheesin' LOL

June 29th
well, we should be discharged next week as an outpatient probably for the next month at least! that is good news!! he got most of his stitches taken out today, some still in. We are going to the big fireworks display at the capital on the 4th with our roomate who also happens to be in 3rd Brigade!! He's in 2-69 though. thats just funny, out of all the injured soldiers we end up roomates!! We also have a very, very big VIP coming next week (he lives here in DC hint hint) they won't say for sure who it is, but the address on the paperwork we had to fill out said the address! (duh) like we won't figure it out, so everyone is all in a tizzy scrubbing the place down! we had to fill out so many papers and social security no's. if curt didn't put me down I could not get in the hospital that day! Then they came around tonight and asked what curt wanted "him" to call him. Curt or Curtis. He said Curtis! LOL...this should be interesting....

July 3rd
got to meet the big Mr. President Bush today! It was absolutely crazy in the hospital!! We were not allowed to leave the room and they had I swear 20 SS guys walking in and out of our rooms and two dogs sniffing around our stuff! He got to our room about 11 this morning, said hello gave me a hug asked Curt about his injuries told him he looked good and is proud of him for serving blah blah blah, asked how they were treating us here and how they were serving me, then we took pics and that was it! We should get the pics in about two months they said...I was kinda disappointed he seemed very impersonal and nonchalant, almost like he really didn't care, I mean I know he's a busy man and all but come on, show some emotion and at least sound like you mean what you say! But all in all it was a once in a lifetime experience...and that is all I can say about it LOL


4th of July D.C. style!!

So we had an AWESOME 4th of July. We got bused over to the Capitol lawn where we got to watch the concert from the first row!! Hosted by Tony Danza, it was awesome, we got to see Yolanda Adams, Eliot Yamin, Little Richard, Hayden from the NBC show Heroes, and Dirk (country music guy) anyway, I was up and dancing during Little richard's performance he was great!! My favorite performance. Also I teared up when Yolanda Adams sang God Bless America. Then we watched the fireworks then went into the Capitol Building for a reception with the celebrities and crew from the concert. Awesome once again!! We got a tour of the building and got to go into Nancy Pelosi (speaker of the house) office and private balcony which overlooks penn anvenue. Great view my mouth dropped open and the guy took of pic of me and curt on the balcony with the washington monument lit up in the background. Beautiful view. then we went into the reception hall, and mingled with the performers from the show, (eliot is really cute by the way as is the country guy Dirks) We got back to the hospital about 12:30 in the morning!! Curt was exhausted! But what an experience to be VIP's for a night!!

Most touching was the marine who was sitting at our table with us with his wife and beautiful daughter!! He was injured back in 03 during the invasion. He is or was I should say (he is retired now) an EOD tech, and a bomb blew up in his hands! He is the most amazing guy! His story was so touching and my heart ached for him. He lost his left arm, leg and eye and his thumb and index finger on his right hand. What a true Marine he is!! I will forever remember him and all the other soldiers we have met while here, each with a story to tell...

if we only knew what our troops have gone thru....they have been to hell and back and survived! for that they are grateful and they are the true heroes of this war to go thru what they have gone thru we will never know or truley understand the not only physical sacrifices but mental as well...I respect them all! Their outlook on life is absolutely amazing! And I am humbled by that...

God Bless Our Troops-those in the past, present, and future
Especiallly those who have paid the ultimate price for our country!!


July 10th
got discharged from the hospital on friday!! now staying at the mologne house for an estimated 45 days!! whoo-hoo!! It was such a great feeling to leave that hospital behind and now just deal with doctors apts. and physcial therapy apts. we are halfway there!!
he is doing good, pain is in control and will hopefully the doctor said today be able to remove the pins from his hand next week!! thats another step...then as soon as they can remove the two holding his knee together we will be able to start weight bearing and learning to walk again, (which we will be able to do the majority at at Benning! (thank God) thats still at least three weeks away... and he does have a nasty scar on his leg for life along with his 23 pins and two plates in his leg for the rest of his life...no more road marches with a 60 lb. ruck sack for him...


July 19th
so had our big doctors appt. today. Curt is getting his berry pins taken out next week! yay!! It was kind of good news bad news though. Good news is the work on his leg looks good, all the pins that will be in his leg looked good and the work putting his knee back together looked good. The bad news is he has a lot of bone pieces floating around in his knee, which concerns the doc. Curt does not have good range of motion with his knee yet (it barely bends) so the pain starts next week once they remove those two big pins from his knee and the physical therapy actually starts!! bring on the meds!! Another concern was the healing process. Doc said it could never fully recover and if it does it won't fully and it will take up to 2-3 yrs. and looking at another couple surgeries down the road in a yr or so to relieve some of the pressure and floaties from his knee.

As soon as these pins come out next week-two in his knee two in his hand-hopefully we will only be here for another couple weeks or so...I hope so. I am ready to be home. We're hoping the flight works out to bring Kaylie back since we won't find out mom's and tylers flight until monday they said-then I still have to get kaylie's ticket to marry to theirs! pray that it works out and I can get her back here!! I miss her horribly!!
Anyway-that is the update-tomorrow we are taking a tour of the white house whoo-hoo should be interesting!!

Aug 13th
Doc said we can go home if we want a week after Curt's eye surgery!!!! They would LIKE him to stay until he is weight bearing and leave at the end of september, but we said uh-uh we want to go home!!! So after his PRK surgery we can go, I am so excited!! Even though that means he won't get his full CON leave (30 days) he will only get 2 weeks. Because he needs to start weight bearing mid september and work on that in physcial therapy hard core! But I am so excited!!!! three more weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Oct 5th
So the doc told Curt probably next year he will get a whole knee replacement. They want to wait as long as possible before doing it, since their only good for about 20 yrs. then he will need another one. In the next few months or so Curt will have a surgery to take out the "floating" bone in his knee. The doc said he is amazed that Curt is even able to bend his knee to what he can and that he is walking. So basically his knee will not get any better than it is right now until we have this surgery....
We will more than likely go back to Walter Reed to have the knee replacement done next year, since we are not so sure we trust MACH!! lol
On the scale of care WR gets a 9 and MACH gets a 4!!!!!!


And Curt is no longer part of 3rd ID as of Oct 10...The armor center called him and offered him a Cadre position with the WTU here at Benning, which is a two year commitment. He took it after debating. He feels like he is abdoning his guys, but this will do him good and let him have a desk job for the next two years while he heals.
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So happy its August!!!!

You have no idea how happy I am with today being August 1st. Next Wednesday is Curt's VA physcial...FINALLY!!!! The heart and soul of the med board. We have been waiting for this for months now. After this things should start moving along at a better rate. I am ready for the future! Ready to put this damn thing behind us!
I am so excited to get this show on the road! Hurry up next week and lets get this thing up and moving!!!

Last week we had a few eventful days. We went to an invatation only screening of the show "Army Wives" with VP and Mrs. Biden and Gen and Mrs. Casey and also a couple actors from the show. It was a lot of fun. First time I left Brandon with a sitter and I didn't like it! haha
It takes a lot for me to trust people and thankfully the event provided daycare so we just dropped the kids off at the center. The screeing of the show was boring itself but it was cool to get to see the VIP's that were there. But I couldn't wait to get my baby back and I was anxious to see how he did so we didn't stay and mingle long. Thankfully I had taken one of my anxiety pills beforehand so I wasn't on edge like I normally am. It calmed me down a bit but not quite as much as I would have liked. When we got back to the daycare and picked up the kids, Brandon was so happy to see me! Kaylie said he cried almost the entire time. :( My poor baby!!!!

On Friday we went to the Shenandoah Caverns and that was really nice. We had a great family time! We went on a tour of the Caverns which was awesome. I even have a picture of a ghost I think. It's a pretty scary looking picture! Then we walked down and fed the goats and ate at a 1950s themed restaurant. I always love those types of places! Then we went on a tour of parade floats that have been in the rose parade and inaugural parades. They were huge and probably cost a lot of money to build. The drive home was awful of course. Brandon hadn't napped since that morning so he was cranky and fought sleep and of course...as usual...screamed and screamed his headoff. It was beyond stressful. At one point we had to pull over and take a break because his crying was unmanagable. Ugh...Kaylie never ever cried like he does in the car. They are total night and day from each other! Kaylie was the easiest baby ever. Brandon is too...most of the time. Except when we travel!!

This week nothing much going on. Classes start tomorrow, yay! I am sooo ready to get back at the grind of things! Still been researching schools for my masters. Curt says get through my BA first before worrying about that, but I'm a planner and like to explore options and ideas. It's never to early to start in my opinion! Having a degree doesn't automatically qualify a person for a job, so I'm going straight into my Master's and getting more into volunteer work. Especially with Girl Scouts of course, and I also want to start looking into co-op programs to give me career field experience. That always helps! Need experience to get a job too! Degree won't get you that!

We might go to the beach this week. Still working on that. We'll see if we're up for the drive with Brandon haha. :)

Dragging by

This month is dragging by it seems. I don't like having a full month off of school. I feel like I have nothing to do to occupy my time. I miss it! Thankfully classes start back up next week on Monday. yay!! haha
I am really working on my career goals. My plan as of now is to finish my BA at AMU. Then if were in Georgia I plan on enrolling right away after my BA for my Master's at Columbus State. They have the Master's in School Counseling. From there I want to pursue my PhD eventually. I've been researching schools for that and so far I am undecided what route I want to take with that. Either School Psychology or Clinical Psych. Not sure yet. That is still years away I know but I like to have a game plan, which of course is always subject to change. I also want to add another certificate to my degree in Family Studies or make that a minor. Not sure yet on that either. I will be done with my Gen Ed this school year, and once I take a couple of those classes for that we'll see how I like it. Then of course I am also getting a certificate in HR. That's my fall back plan if I can't find a school that is hiring right away. I know those jobs can be competitive as psychology is an extremely competitive field.

I have to help Curt as much as possible too. Since he sucks at school--and he knows it--he needs my help a lot. We want him to finish his degree before he hits his ten year mark in 2012. That way he can go officer. They changed a bunch of the rules for OCS so we have to work hard to get him into it if he really wants to go that route.

We'll see though. He is putting OCS on his five year plan for COAD. Which were still in the med board of course. We were going over it the other day, figuring out a time line. We still think Jan'ish. His full physical is Aug 11th. After that it takes up to 30 days for the board to reach their decision. Then 15 days for record transit to the IPEB (informal physical evaluation board). They take 15 days to find him fit/unfit. THEN it is forwarded to the PDA (physical disability agency??) who take 15 days to "rate" his injuries. At that point is when we file for COAD. From there it takes up to 30-45 days to get approved and get orders. So yeah, we think were looking at January.

Another thing that was brought up is that we still need to pick 3 locations. They will try the hardest to get your 1st choice but if that becomes unavailable or they can't find him a slot at Benning we need two other choices. So we picked Hawaii and Fort Campbell. Regardless we will end up PCSing at least one more time his AW2 rep said. Which doesn't matter even if we buy a house, we'll still keep it and just rent it out for that time. Lots of people do it. We're still keeping our fingers tightly crossed for Benning. I mean it is highly likely we WILL get Benning, but there is always that chance. So something for us to keep in mind.

As of now we are still going ahead with the house. We don't know if its best to wait or go ahead and start till we actually get cut orders (which we probably will wait). The house takes 4 months to build at least so if we waited were looking at renting till the house is ready. It would suck to have to move again..and especially on our own dime...but that is probably the best option.

Anywhoo! So were still in limbo, still have no idea of our future. Story of our lives since 2007. It sucks. I am trying my best to love this area. But I just can't. I hate it. I am working on accepting were here for awhile longer. I miss my friends. I miss Columbus. I miss doing things. We have no one here. Not a single family we hang out with. Everyone we met before and kind of hung out with has moved already, our new neighbors...well she turned out to be crazy. It just sucks. I think it sucks worse for Curt because he literally has no one to talk to.
At least I have friends I call and chat with and text pretty frequently and I also have my sister and mom I talk to almost daily. Curt doesn't have that. He is so lonely. The friends he had in Columbus are deployed for the most part, and everyone else he knows never texts him back or answers his calls. Makes me sad to see him like that. He is desperate for interaction from anyone. As am I sometimes. It sucks.

I still haven't called and made my appointment for counseling. Of course, its because I'm scared about it. I'm scared that I won't like the counselor or feel comfortable enough with them to really open up and let it all out. We'll see. That's all I'm get into with that.

We're probably gonna head out of town this weekend. We're gonna either go to the beach or to Shenandoah Valley and see the Caverns. I definitely want to do both before we leave here!! Other than that. We live boring, monotonous lives.
Making me depressed! I can't wait for school to start for Kaylie and girl scouts to start. Finally get out of this house and hopefully meet some fabulous ladies this year in both Kaylie's class and in scouts. :)

Anxiety!

So I went to my appt yesterday. I was very nervous about going. As I was driving around the parking lot trying to find a place to park I contemplated just bolting and going home, but I didn't. I went in. I was meeting my PCM for the first time. And let me tell you, I don't like her. Very impersonable, I just didn't get a good vibe from her. So I am gonna request a PCM change. I like to be comfortable with my doctor. It's a must. So I explained to her what has been going on, and then of course, silly me, start's to cry in the middle of it. haha. So she gave me a prescription for Lorezapam and a referral for counseling. I also had to go to the lab and give blood to check my thyroid and my chemical balance.

I have to call this number on Monday to set up my appt for counseling. Hopefully this will do me some good. Making me nervous thinking about it though. I have a hard time opening up so I better like this counselor! Otherwise it will be moot. I need to find someone I am comfortable with and can feel like I can talk to :)

Lets talk about my issues and other things..shall we?

Tomorrow is my doctor's appt for my anxiety issues. I am having major anxiety about talking about my anxiety to the doc. I'm hoping it goes good and I can get some meds and possibly a referral to counseling. I think it would help on top of the meds. I'm not one to take medicine unless absolutely necessary so I don't want to be on it forever. I plan on telling her about what triggers my anxiety. Like for example two nights ago when I went upstairs to bed I started thinking about what I would do if the house caught on fire and we were trapped upstairs. I started to have a panic attack just thinking about that happening! I started to sweat and panic and I wanted to run downstairs and make sure the burners were off on the stove, etc. It's awful. Brandon crying today for over an hour on the way home from Baltimore was so frikin stressful. I couldn't take it. I wanted to burst into tears. My anxiety level was thru the roof. Maybe I have PPD, or PTSD or something, or maybe it is just bad anxiety and panic attacks. We'll see what the doc has to say tomorrow. I'm nervous!!

Speaking of Brandon, it really does cause me major anxiety every time we go somewhere. He does NOT do good in the car. He does horrible. We learned that on our way to IA/IL and back. It was a horrible car trip. It made me want him to grow up already and not be a baby anymore. I can't handle the stress of him crying in his seat on trips. I want to do so much this summer, but I'm held back by him. I want to go to the beach this weekend, which is like 3 hours a way. But if B can't handle an hour car ride, he certainly can't handle a three hour one. So I'm held back on wanting to go. I also want to go to the Shenandoah Caverns, which are like two hours away. But again, I'm held back, because I get stressed thinking about dealing with Brandon. He just doesn't do good when his schedule is messed up. We are on a pretty good schedule and he has set times for naps and bed, so when we venture out and his schedule gets thrown off he becomes horrible. Like today. It was awful. I can't deal with it.

Which is part of the reason I have become such a hermit. I don't want to go anywhere. I do, in all honesty, WANT to go out, but I FEEL I can't. It sucks. I hate this. Ugh...

I want to enjoy life, live life, and I feel held back by all these issues I have. I want to be FREE, I want to go do stuff and not give a shit what happens. I want to not be so uptight, I want to let loose and have FUN, like I used to. I used to be such a fun person. I used to not give a hoot about anything. I didn't care what people thought of me, I could piss you off and not care, I could be goofy and crazy and not care. I have lost that part of me. And I hate that. I want to find myself again and get my life back. I don't want to be held back by these monsters and demons anymore. So that is one of my goals right now. To get ME back!!

While Curt was gone I did good. No break downs, no stress really. I had a nice time with the kids. I'm so bored not being in school right now though and am excited for classes to start back again in a few weeks. Give me something to do. We have a busy time starting up soon with Curt finishing up his ACAP appts and his VA physical on the 11th. So he's the busy one really, not me.. I have first aid and CPR training and certification on Aug 14th. School shopping to start soon, and hopefully heading down to GA to meet with the realtor and builder end of Aug, beginning of Sep before school starts. Yay!!!

The first day of school is Sep 7th. So we have a while yet before we need to seriously start school shopping, but I'm ready for school to start up again. I'm ready to start my Girl scout leadership and open myself up to new experiences. And I also can't believe my BABY is going to be one year's old in just a few short months. where has time gone?!?! I am amazed how fast time goes by. I really am. Makes me sad.

Well, I will update after my doctors appt tomorrow, give the verdict. Wish me luck!! And less anxiety!!!

Bored and blogging!!

Yesterday we went to the zoo. Which was nice, yes. But it was so freaking hot! We've been to the National Zoo like four times so its nothing new. We thought Brandon might like it when he could've actually cared less. Too young yet! Anyway, if you have ever been to the DC zoo, you will understand how awful it is to walk through. Its complete up and down hills and barely any shade! Ick. I downed a bottle of water while walking and still felt parched. It was awful. We finally get back to the car and Brandon screams the entire way to Famous Dave's (one of our favorite places to eat). Which of course makes my anxiety go sky high. Sigh...he was fine once we got to the restaraunt though. I felt a little funny before we got there. Just plain exhausted. I barely ate half of my meal. We got home and I got everyone ready for bed and whatever and just got a huge headache. A pounding headache. I went to bed at 9 last night. Woke up at 11 feeling sick to my stomach and still with a major headache, chills, and just feeling funny and disorientened. I got up and went into the bathroom since I thought I was going to puke. Stayed in there for half an hour, and even the thought of taking some aspirin and me having to drink water made me gag. So I finally sad screw it and went back to bed.

It was weird. I think I had a case of heat exhaustion. I had all the symptoms. I woke up this morning fine though. I knew I should've drank more water at the zoo. Lessoned learned!! Today I took it easy and still feel really thirsty and can't get enough of water.

Speaking of my anxiety issue, I finally made an appointment with my PCM today. Go me! It's next week, so I'm nervous-- yet excited-- to finally confront this issue that has hounded me for years. We'll see how that appointment goes!

Curt leaves for Rhode Island this Friday for a paralympic training camp. I have to drive him up to Baltimore to fly out which sucks! I mean Baltimore is about an hour away, and with traffic who knows how long it will actually take to get there. Not looking forward to that drive with two kids. Sigh...sucks worse he comes back on Tuesday at 9am. Worse time ever to try and drive on the beltway!! Grrr...wish I was good with the backroads around here.

I'm hoping this weekend doesn't cause me too much anxiety while he's gone. I'm hoping to be able to stay calm and all that. Wish me luck!

I also sat and planned out my first five Brownie meetings. I'm excited to start. Wish it was September already. The first day of school is the seventh. Meetings will start in October. yay!! Got my venue ready, got my meetings planned, I'm ready! :)
I'll be sad to leave these girls when we move though. I know a good portion of them who bridged from Daisy's to Brownie's who will be in my troop. Makes me sad in a way, I can't do more or be there leader for the whole year :(

We are supposed to go into the AW2 office this week to sit down and put our options down side by side and see what is best financially. That will let us know where we stand and what Curt REALLY wants. It's scary. I'm so ready to move on past this. It sucks his physical was pushed back so far. We have another month wait before that even takes place. We're looking at January to be moving now. Bummer. I just want some concrete answers so we can get in contact with the builder and make a trip down to GA to start the process. I'm so ready!! Our preapproval is valid until September first, USAA said we can extend it though by just giving them a call before then. Otherwise we have to do the whole process over, which is no big deal, but I really don't want to have to do it again. Oh well, what will happen will happen is what I try to tell myself! And that works really well to put my mind at ease! HA! ;)

Jumbled mess

So a month or so ago I was supposed to go to the doctor for my anxiety problems. Buttt, I ended up canceling the appointment. Why? Because I'm anxious about talking to the doctor about my anxiety. I'm anxious about being anxious!!!! It's so frustrating. Every day I tell myself I'm going to call and make another appt, but I never do. I keep saying "I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow". I just need someone to FORCE me to do it. I know it would help a lot to get some type of medicine. I'm beginning to think I suffer from severe anxiety. I think counseling would help as well. I really do.

I was talking to Curt about all this tonight. How I get anxious if Kaylie doesn't listen to me right away the first time I tell her something. I get anxiety if Brandon is crying too much. I get anxious going out and doing stuff in public (event type things). Which I am working on. I mean I want to do SO MUCH, but my anxiety issues hold me back. I would love to venture out and try new things, I would absolutely love it. But again my anxiety holds me back. I start to sweat bullets, sometimes so bad I have to change clothes. I am trying to get more involved by becoming a brownie leader, since Girl Scouts are so active. I'm hoping it will help me branch out a little and start to overcome these massive issues I have.

It's confusing to me, because I do consider myself a confident person. I usually say what is on my mind, and speak the truth. But on the flip side, I have my days where I am soooo not confident and want to shrink into myself and melt away. Why am I like this?? Why am I so scared sometimes? I have my days where I feel I can conquer the world and everything in it and days I feel like such a loser.

I know I'm a complicated person. I used to be so care-free and so happy most of the time. Always had a smile on my face. Now I find myself a big ball of emotions. I am moody. Everyone knows that. I have my ups and downs. I've always been moody, but at the same time, I lived life back then! I want to be that way again. To just LIVE and not care what anyone thinks of me, or how I might look in public by what I'm saying or doing at the time. Isn't that what life is really about? Having fun and living it in every way possible?
I think so...it's time to confront my anxiety issues and my demons and start LIVING!

Vacation sucks!

It does. Whoever's idea it was to go home was out of their mind. We left on Friday the 25th around 230 in the afternoon. The first day of driving was fine. No problems. We spent the night in Akron, Ohio and left the next morning. That day was awful. Brandon had had it in the car. We had to stop at my sisters house to drop off my brother so he could get his car. We ended up getting stuck in traffic in Chicago for TWO HOURS. That was a nightmare...Kaylie had to pee and started to cry, we were in deadlock traffic. We finally found a bathroom to take a break at and finally made it to my sisters about half an hour later. Then we had another four hours to go to my moms house in Iowa. That last four hours was stressful beyond belief. Brandon cried for almost two hours before he finally fell asleep. We got to my moms house at around 10 that night.

It was nice to see my grandma. My BIL came out from IL and him and Curt painted my grandma's living room for her. It looks soooo much better in there!!! That visit was pretty boring. Nothing to really do in small town Manchester. Kaylie played on the slip n slide. We rode bikes, had a campfire, little town things. I got mad one night because at one point my mom was gone doing something at some ladies house and my stepdad was at his friends house. I did not come visit after two years for me to sit in the damn house by MYSELF. I was pissed. So I let them know that when they got back. Our last day there I finally got to go shooting. That was fun! I'm thinking of taking it up now actually since I shot so good.
We left for my sisters house on the 30th. Got out there and had pretty good visit. Saw Curt's family. Had a BBQ at the lake then went up to Racine and saw my friend Liz and her family. Fourth of July was fabulous. Took my nieces to the mall and let them buy anything they wanted for their birthdays in the next few weeks. Curt went to Great America with his brother. I went and saw Eclipse twice haha once with all us girls and then me and curt. Just an overall great time in IL.
Got home yesterday and am so glad to be back.

Classes for me and Curt start again Aug 2nd. Brandon has his nine month checkup and one shot tomorrow. It's hot here. Our a/c wasn't working when we got home it was 90 degrees in here. They fixed it fast though so that was a plus. 105 today with the heat index. Ick.
Curt's full physical exam with the VA got cancelled the doctor is on vacation or something. Which is a major setback. Ugh!!! The next available appt was Sept 3rd!! Ridiculous. He called his PEBLO to see if there was anything he could do to get a better appt so now its scheduled for Aug 11th. Thank God. September is too far off to wait. I want out of here!!!

Thats my quick update. Sorry its not detailed or anything. I got a lot to do today!!

Yada, yada, yada!

Not much new to report. The med boards are still running behind. Which sucks! The more they are behind the longer we'll be here. I think now we're looking at the end of the year timeframe. Not October like originally thought. After talking to the AW2 lady again we think it will be Dec/Jan. Sucks!!!! I don't want to spend another half a winter here. Ugh. And that is an awful time to be moving...during Xmas time. Blah. Oh well. Looking on the brigher note, we can save even more money and be able to do more with our new house once we get down there. :)

Curt took his GT improvement test this week. He got a 106. He wanted a 110 or above. He raised it 12 points from his previous score though. It just is no good for him, since he needs a 110 or higher to go OCS. Even though they do have a GT waiver available, but he wanted to get it on the first try. Now he has to wait 6 months to take it again. It'll happen though. I mean we have plenty of time, he doesn't even have his degree yet!!

It feels great to have internet back. We were just without it for the past two days as our router died and we had to wait for Verizon to ship us a new one. Pain in the ass. Now I'm behind on school work! I wanted to have my paper done before my brother got here today, but obviously that didn't happen. We were able to connect Curt's blackberry to the laptop and get on that way, but it ran extremely slow, and I HATE that so I gave up.

I've been doing my 30 day shred workout religiously for the past 5 days straight. I feel good about it and I feel myself getting more toned because of it. I haven't lost any weight yet though, which is disheartening. I am not comfortable with where I am at. I am working on changing my eating habits to be more healthier which is just hard, because I love food. I love it too much. It's hard to change those habits. But I'm working on it. I have 18 lbs to lose to be where I want to be. Yep, since having Brandon I have gained 15 lbs. Sad. I lost it all minus three lbs. when he was a few months old, and now I've gained it all back. It makes me disgusted at myself. I have never, ever been this big in my life, and I refuse to let it happen. I'm doing my best to change all that. So wish me luck!!

My brother's here visiting for the week. I'm excited about that. We have lots planned so hopefully we'll be able to have some fun, while at the same time trying to relax and enjoy the time. Kaylie's last week of school is this week too. Finally! Ugh, damn blizzards gave us too many snow make up days!

Brandon is still growing and changing every day. He loves the stairs a little too much, so we need to buy another gate. I get sick of chasing him away from the stairs. He is cruising along the furniture and stuff already. He'll be walking before I know it! He never sits still. He's so busy! He definitely keeps me busy! I'm exhausted at the end of the day.

That's about it in my boring life!

Things

So we've gotten our pre-approval through both USAA and Wells Fargo. I think we're going to go with USAA. At this point they are giving us a better deal. And really what does it matter? If we go with USAA we get a check for $950 three weeks after closing. If we go with Wells Fargo the builder will contribute $1000 to closing costs. Which closing on the loan we want is 4300. So really it makes no difference which one we choose. Both of the money will do the same thing and serve the same purpose.
I think we have also decided to choose the Sonoma Pointe subdivision. This subdivision is across the street from Greystone Farms. We've driven through there numerous times and we actually even looked at a house for rent in that subdivision in 2008. We're making this choice for several reasons. One, it's actually in Columbus unlike Ivy Park which is in Fortson, GA. It's close to the "secret" Walmart and a Publix. All three of the schools (elem, middle, and high) are excellent for the kids and within 5 miles (the middle school is actually directly across the street) or less of Sonoma Pointe. It's cheaper to build there than in Ivy Park also by three thousand for the floor plan we want.

We have chosen NOT to live in Alabama. We thought about it and seriously did consider it because yes, it's much cheaper over there, but in the long run I want to be happy where we are living and so does Curt. We both prefer Georgia to Alabama so that's final.
Anywhoo...so we'll be heading down there end of July/August to meet with the realtor and builder face to face and get the ball rolling.

I'm hoping Curt's med board will be done by then. This is my guestimate. His full physical is July 7th and then after that we just wait for a decision I guess. Which shouldn't take that long. As soon as he is found unfit we'll submit for COAD and then head down to GA to work all the details of the house out. Then we'll probably move in the Octoberish time frame. This is all my total guestimate though! haha

Other than that. Tonight is Kaylie's last Daisy meeting. :(
This Saturday is our troop event where were taking the girls to this place called Club Bella and they can get manicures, pedicures, nails painted that sort of thing. Should be fun for the girls! They earned it. :)
The next Saturday is the Bridging Ceremony where all the Daisy's moving up to Brownie's next year go through a special ceremony where they walk across this bridge (a Junior troop is constructing at the outdoor rec center) and when they get to the other side a Brownie troop is waiting to welcome them and give them their Brownie vests. It's gonna be an adorable ceremony! The 1st graders will feel so accomplished that they are going to be Brownie's next year.

I'm looking forward to be the Brownie leader for next year. I have a ton of books and papers I've been reading and trying to get a head start and plan the initial meetings. I'm excited to get back to GA and be involved in girl scouts. I'll prob start a troop up there when we move. And I'll start looking for a co-leader. So if any of you wonderful ladies would like to help out let me know!! You don't have to have a kid in the troop or even have kids to help out!! It's open to ALL ;)

Kaylie's school year is winding down. The last day is June 24th. I know, crazy! Next week they are having a field trip to the movies to see "Oceans" a disney movie about the planet's water supply I guess. Then they have Field Day next week as well. Also their class party should be the last week of school. I can't believe she is gonna be a 2nd grader already! Time sure does fly.

so yesterday also around 930, Brandon was sleeping for his morning nap, I was doing my 30 day shred when I hear tons of commotion outside and sirens. At first I thought it was the school so I opened the door to see what was going on and my neighbor behind us was running down the street and I asked her what was going on when I hear ma'am get out of your house now! Then my neighbor says hurry, get your baby and get out the whole alley is on fire!! I'm thinking "what???" So I run upstairs to B's room, peek out the window and sure enough flames sky high four houses down. Their entire garage is engulfed in flames. My first thought was holy shit, that is gonna spread FAST. It was windy too and I just imagined the entire row of garages and houses burning down. I grab Brandon who is still sleeping and bolt downstairs. I grab my cell phone and race outside. As soon as I got across the street to where everyone else was standing I thought...shit! The cat, my purse, I should've grabbed everything!!! I know its not important but those are the thoughts running through my head. The firemen meanwhile are evacuating houses and getting the huge ladder with the water house all the way up in the air to put out the fire. It was awful.

We live in two row townhomes, so two houses are connected each along with the garages. But we are built very close together. The lady who lives in the connected house that was on fire was hysterical. She was bawling. Trying to call her husband and just sobbing. Her car was in the garage. (Burnt to shreds, its just a shell now) She was terrified the entire house was going to burn as well. Which they didn't thank goodness. But the back of the houses are burnt. The siding is completely black and falling off or melted. Along with about 7 other garages. It's horrible. A lot of extensive damage to not only the burnt down garages but the garages in the direction the wind was blowing and the surrounding houses and garages. One lady can't even open her garage door, its melted shut.

Apparently there is a big investigation going on. Early gossip is that it was arson. I'll keep you posted on that. We just have to be thankful that everyone is safe. It could have been a lot worse if that would have happened during the night while we were all sleeping!! Thankfully it happened in the day and people saw it, even from as far as four blocks away at the office! Crazy.

Anywhoo...that is the shenanigan's so far!