Mental struggles

I've been struggling with myself for awhile now. Struggling with everything. School, family, friends, just life in general. I'm in a weird place with my thoughts. I've been looking at everything in a negative light and feeling like a loser. If I could turn back time and start my adult life over again I would in a heartbeat. I wish I would've went to college right after high school. I wish I would have waited longer to have kids. I wish I would have been a better friend. I wish I wasn't so anxiety ridden. I wish I could just not care about things that bother me. I wish my husband had not gotten blown up in Iraq and changed our lives forever. Because he is injured there is only so much he can do. "They" say nothing should hold him back...but in all actuality it DOES. He can't do the schools he wanted to before injury in the army, he can't go Green to Gold or OCS because they don't allow medical waivers. He can't be a scout anymore, but is still a scout doing paperwork in an office. I mean I guess we should be grateful he is still alive, and I most certainly am, but every now and then we can have our pity party about the way our lives will be from now on.

I've been struggling with my school choice for awhile. Let's face it, I am going to American Military University online....a for profit school. That makes me nervous and I question this choice every day. No one wants to say their school is bad or might be bad. I always just mention the positives when talking about AMU...but always in the back of my head a little voice is screaming "for profit, for profit" at me. I have thought about transferring and even filled out an application and started the transfer process to Hawaii Pacific University...but I'm over halfway done and with transferring comes more stress. Putting Brandon in daycare being one of those stresses and I most certainly don't like to spend money unless absolutely necessary on things like that. So I have ultimately decided if my transfer doesn't go through before the next semester starts at HPU I will  just stick it out with AMU and hope for the best. I was worried about getting letters of recommendations from my professors, but after talking to my adviser I can still get those by just emailing and working it out with whichever professors I want a recommendation from.
I think I get a quality education most of the time, but I do wonder if it hurts to go to for profit schools. I mean, I have talked to some of my other friends who have said they barely do any work and pass the classes, and most of them never even open their textbooks to read assigned chapters or have any tests or quizzes to take. I wonder how much we are really learning if we can slip by so easily??? And some of the bozo's in class, REALLY make me wonder how much "quality" is really in these schools. So yeah, I do have qualms about this, since these types of schools seem to always be looked down on and let just about anybody in.... but I am hoping for the best.

Then I constantly struggle with my age and feeling too old. And I don't want to take on debt from my undergad and grad degrees and not be able to get a job and be in debt for nothing. I want it to be worth it. I think this is my biggest struggle. My age and feeling and wondering if this is worth it. I seriously thought last night about just saying screw it and becoming a real estate agent. I absolutely can see myself doing that and being so good at it. I would love, love, love that job..... helping people find their dream homes or selling their current home is something I can totally picture myself doing. I hope I can make the best decision for ME...both financially (short and long term) and personally.

Family visit

I have been MIA for almost a month! Wowza! I really haven't been that busy either, but I think I just lead a boring life. My brother, his girlfiriend, and my niece were just out here to visit for the past week. They actually just left today. It was sad to see them go. We had an amazing time!!! We did so much, we were constantly going, going, going. We hiked, went to the beach every day, saw the sights, explored downtown, got lots of shave ice and I cooked dinner almost every night. We just had a blast. It was just what I needed. A little piece of home for awhile. We also went to a luau, which was also our first time. We went to Paradise Cove and it was a blast! We all had so much fun. Lots of activities before dinner for the kids and the food was delicious! We were seated next to another military family so we talked to them for awhile that night. The show was good as well and the dancing was amazing. I can't wait to go back!!I am so glad they came to visit. It has lifted my mood so much. I was getting a little depressed missing my family and just having that sense of "home" felt so good. I am also really looking forward to showing my mom and stepdad the island when they come to visit in just a little over a month.

Now that they are gone its time to get back on a schedule and also get back in the swing of school. Kaylie got her troop assignment for Girl Scouts and we are both excited about that. That starts in just a couple weeks. She gets out of school early every day next week due to parent/teacher conferences as well. Seems like that came fast since school just started not even a month ago yet! But whatever.

I have no classes right now. I am still waiting on transfer stuff for Hawaii Pacific University. If that doesn't happen in time I will just start my next class with AMU in October. So I am off of school for awhile. It's boring, but I will enjoy the break from writing papers!!

That's about all. I live such a boring life!