What's Happening?!?

Wow, I haven't blogged in forever! Nothing much has gone on. We seem to be in a great place here, but of course my mind is going all different directions. I have exactly one year of school left until I graduate. I have been going round and round in my head about what I should do when I'm done. I think I have decided on pursuing my MSW (master's in social work). I think that would give me the degree I need to work in anything from hospitals, clinics, schools, vet centers, etc. I feel good about that decision, but who knows it will probably change again! It just sucks also not knowing what is going on with us as far as moving back to GA. Curt got that job offer and they are supposed to be interviewing candidates for Curt's position here at Schofield, but we haven't heard anything yet. The COAD branch manager said two more things have come up that have taken priority over this so he told Curt to hang tight he is working on as he can. With that in limbo, who knows! If this position doesn't work out for Curt he plans on reclassing in December. That will have us at one year left on island and that is the earliest he can reclass. So all of that seems to be up in the air. Especially add on me wanting to go to graduate school and not able to apply until we know where we are going sucks! Ugh. Oh well! It'll work out I'm sure.

Other changes is that we now own a dog. A golden retriever we named Leila. She is the sweetest dog! Kaylie has finished 4th grade and will enter her last year of elementary school this fall. Where the heck has time gone??? I'm going to Vegas in about two weeks with a group of girls and I am really looking forward to that. It's going to be so awesome to not have any worries and just let loose and have a blast for a few days. Can't wait! My family and I are also going to Maui for labor day weekend and I am really looking forward to that as well. Knocking out all the islands while we still have time. Love it!!

That's the quick update on our life! I'll get more in depth next time. Promise!

The Magic Number 10

10. 10 means a lot to me right now. 10 stands for the light at the end of the tunnel. What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about how much longer I have left in school... I have 10 classes left, yes 10 classes left until I graduate. By the end of October I will have 4 classes left. It feels great! It's been a long road, and I can feel the end is drawing near. Late next spring I should have my BA in psychology. I cannot wait!!!

As far as what I am going to do after that, I'm not sure yet. I would love to go to graduate school, but at the same time I'm scared of taking on more debt and not being able to find a job in counseling. So, I am leaving my mind open for the next year while I finish up my BA and go from there. Whatever happens, happens and I have faith that everything always works out the way it is supposed to.  :)

Vacations and moving!

We just got back from the Big Island a few days ago. It was amazing!! The flight over was pretty cool because we were able to see the other islands as we flew over. The flight is only about 40 minutes which was perfect. The Big Island is just so different than Oahu. It is much more spread out and relaxed, whereas Oahu is crazy busy with traffic and people everywhere. I loved it. We stayed at a military camp called KMC in the Volcano National Park. IT was a cute little cabin with a fireplace and all. The Volcano park was fun to explore, it's huge so it was impossible to see it all among the other stuff we wanted to do so we just hit the main points. The Kilauea crater is the most active volcano in the world. It has been erupting continuously since 1983. It's a sight to see for sure. Especially at night! It's beautiful and awe-inspiring. We also went upcountry to see some waterfalls. Akaka Falls is the biggest waterfall in the state of Hawaii and was breathtakingly beautiful. We also went downsouth to Black Sand Beach, which is a beach that lava ran through and the sand is now all black from the lava. It was one of my favorite things! I wish I could have taken some sand but they have signs posted that it is illegal to take the black sand because it is from the volcano. So I didn't...because I like to follow the rules. haha
We also went to the southernmost point in the US and tried to go to Green Sand beach, but opted out after we saw it was a 3 mile high to get to it from the end of the road. Bummer! Overall, it was a great vacation. I loved it there! I even thought the people had more Aloha spirit than here on Oahu. We hope to go to Maui later this year, since this will be our last opportunity to see another island before we leave.

Why you ask? Well, because Curt got orders back to Benning! We report in January. As much as we love Hawaii and are not ready to leave yet (only will be here two years before we leave) it is a great job opportunity for Curt. He wasn't sure if he was going to take the job but last Friday he woke up from a message from one of his fellow COAD soldiers asking him if he was leaving Hawaii. Curt told him not that he was aware of because he had told the COAD branch manager he was thinking of reclassing so didn't want to take the job just yet. Well, this other COAD soldier told him he got an email about a MAR2 position on Schofield, which is Curt's job here. So when Curt got to work he called branch and he said he had been waiting for Curt to call him this morning. He got the job at Benning. It's a COAD position only and him and another soldier got the positions. So here we are. Moving back to GA in less than a year! Aaaaggghhhh!!!

I guess this job involves a lot of traveling. He will be gone TDY (temporary duty) a lot. In May this year they are going to Australia for a month, then this summer they are going to Israel. So when Curt gets there he is stoked about all the traveling he will be getting to do. I'm so jealous. haha
Anyway, as much as I say sometimes that I am ready to leave Hawaii, I know I'm not 100% ready. So much more I want to see and do. I don't want to leave here with regrets of not doing things and exploring so now we cram everything in that we wanted to do and were trying to space out! But at the same time I am excited to get back "home" and settle down! It will be nice to have stability and have Kaylie finish out school with the same friends and let Brandon grow up going to the same school with most of the same kids for his whole life just like I did.:)

We know we want to buy a house back in GA too, and we are trying to get all our ducks in a row with that, so its really time to also money crunch and save save save as much as we can. We thought we would have three years of COLA to save, so now we have to readjust and work it out to save what we can with our time left here.

Changes are coming!!!

Changes are a 'comin! Or are they?

The first change going on in my life is that I finally got back on anxiety meds. I started Celexa and am loving it. No issues after I adjusted to it. I had nausea for the first two weeks but that is gone now. I had my follow up appt and I told her the other side effect I am having is that even though I still have a sex drive I cannot orgasm, which is common with celexa. So she prescribed me wellbutrin to counteract the celexa and balance out. I also started blood pressure meds. Reaching my 30s and I'm starting to go downhill. haha
I also start seeing a psychologist in a few weeks. I am very much looking forward to that!

The other issue that has been on my mind is school...again! I will be done with my BA next year in June. After that my plan was to wait until we PCS and then start working on my master's in school counseling. Well, I happened to be googling the other day and ran across a forum for school counselors. They were talking about how barely any of them work in a school yet. Some have been graduated from 2004 on! It is so hard to get a foot in the door in that field, which I am fully aware of and knew about this field. Anyway, after reading through the blog and seeing how people are struggling to get into a school I got discouraged heading in that direction. I don't want to spend so much money going for my degree and not be able to use it until someone either retires, transfers, or dies! And that is the reality of the school counseling field.

So I started thinking about social work again. I've thought about it before, but its hard to get into and I'm not sure if that is the right field for me. Then there are not any colleges that are close to any army posts that I could go to and get this degree. It's frustrating and I feel a sense of loss. I feel like I am back at square one with no idea what I want to do with my life. It sucks! With that said I also started thinking about just finishing my BA and being done. I really don't need a master's unless I pursue the counseling aspect of the social science field, and a BA in psychology is peanuts, in other words it means nothing in the psych world. You need at the very least a master's to do anything in that field worth something. If I just finish my BA and be done I could just get my realtor license and do that route. But I'm not making any decisions yet. I have a little over a year before I even finish my first college degree. I'll just concentrate on that and leave the rest to fall into place!

If Curt doesn't make the E7 list this year, which I think he won't, he is going to reclass to MI this summer. So who knows what would happen after that. We leave Hawaii late next year, so I don't know how all of that is going to work.  Life is always full of changes it seems. I guess we'll see what 2013 brings to us!

Relief!

I feel relieved that I finally went to the doctor to get back on anxiety meds. When we were at Belvoir, our life was so stressful dealing with Curt's surgeries and other issues that my anxiety was out of control. I finally broke down and went to my doctor to get help. She prescribed me a low dose of Lorazepam. It did nothing for me and I never went back. I also never started the counseling she put me in for.

Fast forward to here and again, I'm feeling anxious and depressed at times. My doctor here brought up a good point and I agree with it 100% now that I think about it. My anxiety levels get so high, and as it continues to get higher and reach that high plateau I think in my head how crazy I feel and how stressed I am that it causes the downward spiral into depression. And yes, I totally see that now. She put me on Celexa and also a referral to counseling. Since behavioral health is so backed up here I got referred out into town. So when they called me that day they told me they would put in an outside referral that I should be getting soon. Cool. I know that is needed too! Anyway, I've been on Celexa since Friday, so this is my third day taking it. So far I don't notice too much of a difference (which is normal for anti-depressant medications to take about a month to notice), but I am only taking half of a pill for this first week, then the whole pill after 7 days. I have been feeling nauseous since I started it though, which is a side effect. And my appetite is pretty small.

I'm anxious to see how taking the whole pill will make me feel next week! Anyway, I'm glad I took the first step into making myself better. It's been a long, tumultuous five years since Curt was injured. We have had so many ups and downs, I'm surprised I have lasted this long! It's time to confront these issues and talk about them with a professional.  As a psychology student I know how important it is to get the proper treatment which is a combination of meds and therapy. I don't want to just cover-up the problem with medication, I want to get to the root of it and find ways to deal with my anxiety issues. It's the only way to get 100% better!! So I look forward to that as well. I'm excited to become "Me" again!!

Gloom and Doom

I have been in a dark place for...hmmm...awhile now! I don't know what it is, but my best guess is that its a combination of factors. Stress being one of them from a variety of things that are too personal to post on a blog. I feel like no one understands me, gets who I am and what my issues are and most of the time they overwhelm me. And it sucks when you feel all alone in the world. I have been on a rampage for like a week now. Just very irritable, crabby, and extremely moody. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate who I am becoming. I go to the doctor next week and I know for a fact I will not be walking out of her office without some sort of anxiety medication. Maybe its more than anxiety, maybe I am dealing with a bit of depression too. Sometimes I feel like is a daily struggle. I get so irritated, so very quickly. I use to be such a fun person. I was the go to girl when everyone wanted to have a good time.I loved being social and having FUN!!! Now I just want to be alone most of the time, prefer to be cooped up in the house, and feel bothered by everyone. I feel I'm more sad, mad, angry, depressed, than I am happy, carefree and joyful. A complete 360 from who I was before....It's disgusting... and when I start brooding over all of that I get into even a deeper hole inside of myself.

Everyone suffers for it to. My family especially. I feel horrible when I yell at the kids and snap at them, but then again, sometimes I just need a break!! And I feel like I never get one. I'm not one to always need a break from my kids, I enjoy being with them the majority of the time and want them with me and not pawned off on other people, but man, sometimes when I need that break, I need it. I feel like I am reaching a breaking point and am getting desperate. I can see myself spiraling out of control and I don't like it.

I need help!

A litte of this and a little of that

Wow, haven't blogged in almost a month. No worries though, I have nothing new to report really.
We have been potty training Brandon since winter break. It's going pretty good. We haven't used a diaper in about a week now. He is sleeping in a pull up and does pretty good during the day in underwear. He's been harder to potty train than Kaylie was, but whatever! I don't like to compare them because they are two different people. :)

Kaylie has been doing her thing. Which is nothing spectacular. She stays in her room a lot reading her books. If she's not in her room she is outside playing with the other neighborhood hoodlums. I can't believe this school year is already more than halfway over! It's going by fast! I think she is starting to get over Girl Scouts too. She missed two meetings recently because she didn't want to go. I told her she has to finish out this year and then she can quit if she wants. This is about that age where the girls stop going anyway. I stopped doing girl scouts when I was a Junior too. It's normal! I wish she would stay in it though, they have awesome scholarships for college!!

I'm about to enter my last week of my biopsychology and human sexuality class. Right now I have a C in biopsych (seriously, this class is HARD) and an A in human sexuality. I have to do well on my final in biospych to maintain my C. It sucks because its a 10 essay question exam. Blahhhh. I'll be working on that all week! I really don't want to fail this class, so I plan on working on this all week when I can.
After this week I get a one week break and then my next two classes start. I have psychopathology and child development.  Knocking them out! I have about a little over a year left before I graduate. I can see the light!!

Curt's been a little worried about his job lately. He's back to considering reclassing to MI (military intelligence). He's waiting until after the E7 board is done later this spring and after the results are published he will take it from there. He's worried about his job because he is only one of two MAR2 coordinators on the island and the other guy already lost his job because they say its not relevant to anything. Kinda is pissing off the COAD soldiers on island.

We have started planning our first trip to another island. We plan on going to the Big Island either next month, in March for spring break, or right after school is out. We will see on Tuesday when Curt checks into work to see what the work schedule is like. I would like to book the trip asap so we can get the great deal I found yesterday! Fingers crossed!! I can't wait to explore Hawaii more. I don't want to be stuck on Oahu the whole three years here. I haven't stepped foot off of this island since we arrived Dec 4, 2011!

Anyway! That's about it.