Blah, blah, blah

I haven't felt like blogging lately. I'm in a funk. I'm depressed. Why? I really don't know. I think some of it has to do with the holidays. I'm over them. Not in the mood this year. They say this time of the year is the worst for people. I can agree with that. I absolutely hate it here. I'm ready to be back in Georgia. I know it all has to do with my mindset too. I didn't ever give this place a chance. I was against it from the moment we were coming here. I am glad we got to come here for Curt though. It was best for him. But I have been miserable ever since we left Columbus. I miss it so much. It feels like home now.

I think some of my depression also has to do with how lonely I am. I had a fabulous group of friends at Benning. I mean we're still friends but we all live apart now. It sucks. I miss having FRIENDS. I miss being able to go to lunch, hang out, do whatever. I don't have that here. I think my standards might be too high. I compare my girls to everyone and no one compares. I like my friends. I miss them. :(
So I'm lonely, its the holidays, and I hate it here. What a great combination!

I'm just disappointed in myself this year. My social anxiety holds me back from so much. I wanted to do a lot while we were up here in the mid-Atlantic. I wanted to travel more and go see things. None of that happened. Usually due to my own lack of motivation to actually GO. I make excuses. I wanted to go to Philly, NYC, Boston, drive up to Maine and back, go to the beach. None of it happened. And now we're leaving in just under two months now. I doubt its going to happen now! Especially in winter.

Anyway, on a different note:
I think I have another side career in mind. I have been watching HGTV like all day every day. I L.O.V.E the show. I am seriously considering becoming a real estate agent on the side! I love it! I love looking at houses, finding the right one, scoping out areas and I think I would highly enjoy helping others buy or sell their houses. I'm mulling it over right now and have been asking Linda (our real estate agent) about it. It would not be a career by any means (hello..commission only for the most part), but I would love to do it on the side or while I'm still finding my dream job. School counselor jobs are hard to come by so I think it would give me something to do to fill my time as I look for a "real" job. And who's to say I won't love it and be great at it that it could become my career. haha (doubtful)

I'm ready for 2011. Let's hope its better than 2010. Isn't that what we all hope for in the end? A better year with many good things in store!

2010 is coming to a close

Thank God. This hasn't been the best year. I have found myself quite depressed for the majority of 2010. I think its a combination of having a baby who takes a lot of care (and me being a somewhat selfish person its quite a change having a baby again)and the stress of Curt's medical board. I am so glad it is coming to a close. We should get his rating in January and then start the COAD process and move back to Benning in February. I think once I'm back in my comfort zone where I have friends and family semi-close it will be better. I just have not been happy here at all. Nothing good came out of our time in DC except Brandon. I am ready for 2011!!!

We just mailed all the paperwork for our mortgage loan back to USAA. So exciting. I can't wait till we move! We our planning to sell our old furniture and get new furniture. The bedroom group we have now will go in our guest bedroom and we plan on getting a new bedroom set along with a king size bed. I also wish we could have gotten a jacuzzi tub for the master bath, I didn't even know it was an option till I was reading the paperwork over and I saw that it could have been added. Bummer!! That would have been super nice. I mean, I am not a bath person at all, I actually never take baths, I find them unappealing, but I sure would have gotten in that jacuzzi tub! :)
We could still add it, but we would have to pay a fee for making changes to the contract..so I guess we'll live without!

I'm just ready to move!! Time needs to hurry up!

What is happening?

I think its odd that Kaylie can learn all about Hannukkah and Kwanzaa in school, but yet they are not allowed to talk about the meaning of Christmas. How does that make any sense?! They don't even have Christmas plays or musicals anymore at school. Kaylie had a Christmas "play" last year. They didn't even sing one Christmas song. Not even Jingle Bells. It was some story about squirrels or something. Stupid. I also find it sad that kids don't celebrate the holidays at school. No parties, no birthday celebrations, nothing. Kaylie's classroom is not even decorated for the holiday, not even for Halloween. I think its so sad.

I remember back in school we had so much fun around the holidays. We had a Halloween party and dressed up in costumes every single year. For Xmas we had a concert and sang all the Xmas songs. Our classrooms were always decorated for whatever holiday was coming. Are we so politically correct that we now can't let our children do fun events at school. I mean when is it starting to go too far. I was allowed to bring cupcakes for Kaylie's birthday but I had to bring them at the end of the day as the kids were getting ready to head home.

I remember the magic of the holidays around Xmas. Everyone said Merry Christmas with no qualms about it. Now..to be "correct" we should say Happy Holidays. Nope. Don't think so, I make it a point to say Merry Christmas. :)

Just my little beef for the day!

Christmas Blues?

I have been so exhausted lately. I feel ever since we went to Georgia and came back I just haven't been able to catch up on sleep. We had a lot of late nights up and I was definitely lacking sleep. Add on to that the stress of buying a house and the stress of the ride back and I'm still lacking sleep. I've been wanting to go to bed and this time every night. It's driving me nuts. I just feel I can't catch a break.

Along with lacking sleep, I feel like Curt doesn't understand that sometimes I need that seperation and time to myself away from the kids. Like right now, I just dozed off on the couch for about 5 minutes before Brandon was up in my face waking me up. So I grabbed the laptop and am now sitting upstairs to have some "me time". Why is is so hard for men to realize when its beginning to be too much for their wives? Why is it so hard to see that when I'm frustrated, yelling at the kids, yelling about everything, seeming to be extra annoyed, stressed, and on edge...I need a BREAK. I'm seriously about to go crazy. Curt leaves this week for Texas for four days. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I already need a break..which I don't get...and he's about to leave!

Somedays I just want to break down. I'm ready to snap. I'm ready to lose it. And my husband doesn't get it. I am so stressed. I can't even enjoy the holidays. I'm not even in the Christmas mood at all. I have no energy, no desire to even go shopping. I have yet to buy a single present for Xmas. Kaylie's birthday was two days ago. I only bought her presents the day before! She didn't even get a cake for her birthday. What is going on? I am feeling like a horrible parent. Does it have to do with my complete lack of energy? Like I said I feel like I'm lacking sleep. I have headaches almost every day. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. Is it depression? What is going on? Even last week in GA, we were staying with a friend. I felt bad a few times because I was bitchy and moody. I apologized to her a few times about my crabbiness.

Like right now. It's 6:00 and I'm ready to call it a day and go to bed. I think we have too much going on right now. We bought a house, we're moving in two months, I'm stressed about moving, getting Kaylie in her new school, making the transition smooth, and finishing up Curt's medical board. I need to take a chill pill and try my hardest to relax. Being like this is not the answer.
Hopefully tomorrow Curt lets me sleep in as long as I want to. Lord knows I need it.