Hawaii bound!

Got our orders today! Report date is in December! Yay!!!! I was so excited I started jumping up and down and screaming. hahaha

I plan on documenting this journey through every step of the way. I want my sister and family to be able to experience Hawaii through my eyes since sadly they will never make it out to visit. :(

I have been on information overload researching things all day. I was able to get us all in for physicals in the next two weeks which is great. They had none available for me, so I called back later and was able to get an appointment. Yay. Going to Hawaii the army considers it an overseas tour so we have to get command sponsored. Which just means the army says its okay for us to live over there and we have no major medical issues that Hawaii could not provide us if that was the case. We don't have any issues so it shouldn't be too hard. We are trying to do everything as soon as possible because he is authorized up to 60 days early reporting. So we can go in October if we can swing it that early getting everything in order.

I am so excited!!! He should get his paper orders in about two weeks branch said. :)

Earthquake!!! ...and possible hurricane?!

On August 23, 2011 at 1:51 P.M. we had a 5.8 earthquake. It was one of the scariest things I ever experienced. Curt had just laid Brandon down for his nap and left to go wash the car. I went in the kitchen to unload and reload the dishwasher. I was cleaning up the pans from lunch and had just turned the garbage disposal on when I noticed that the whole countertop was shaking as well as the floor. My first immediate thought was "holy hell, what is wrong with the garbage disposal". I immediately turn it off and notice that everything is still shaking, even the walls. My next thought was that a helicopter was about to crash on our house, it was LOUD. I'm assuming from all the shaking. Even my body felt like it was shaking. I was staring at the wall and watching my pictures fall down, it felt like my brain was juggling around in my head. Meanwhile I hear Brandon start to scream upstairs so I take off running. I still at this point thought it was a helicopter. I get halfway upstairs when the shaking stopped. I see Kaylie holding on to her bedpost and I rush into Brandon's room and snatch him out of his crib and came running back down with both kids. At this point I realize as I'm coming down the stairs that it wasn't a helicopter at all, it was an earthquake. A freaking earthquake in DC. (This whole episode only lasted 30-45 seconds at most) I immediately open the front door to see if anything so going on out there and nothing is. I come inside and call my sister and tell her "I totally think we just had an earthquake!" I wasn't sure at this point and was waiting for confirmation and breaking news. I just had hung up the phone when sure enough breaking news with the confirmed earthquake.
I was so shaken up. My heart literally raced for the next three or so hours. I couldn't calm down. My anxiety level had reached full peak, I seriously thought I might have a heart attack. At this point I can't use my house phone anymore, I just get "all circuits are busy". No cell phone use either, not even text messages. I was able to get Brandon to take a nap, but man that was scary. I just keep thinking about the Japan earthquake and how huge that was and how scary this little 5.8 quake was. I mean to feel the ground shaking under your feet and to feel and see your house sway back and forth and rattle around is extremely nerve-rattling. I don't even want to know what that quake was like in Japan!!!

I have been through tornadoes multiple times in my life before and been through a hurricane (hurricane Ivan in 2004) and two tropical storms (Rita and another one I can't remember the name of in 2004 and 2005) while in Georgia, I have to say this tops all of that. Earthquakes come out of nowhere. At least with hurricanes you know they are coming and can prepare and with tornadoes you can kind of get an idea just by noticing if the weather is right for those and what to look for, but an earthquake, you can't prepare for in any way.

Now this weekend we are supposed to possibly get hit by Hurricane Irene. So the stores are selling out of water and stuff quickly. At this point the forecasters are not sure how it will impact the DC area. Right now they have the center of the storm going through Ocean City, MD, so we will at least get lots of rain and wind. We shall see.
I can't believe we are going to have two natural disasters in the span of a few days apart!

But we are all okay. I had two picture frames break and that is all. The washington monument is cracked and the national cathedral suffered a lot of damage. It's just crazy and I still can't believe I experienced an earthquake in Virginia!
I am getting annoyed at the west coasters tell us to get over it and stop the drama, but honestly they have to realize that most of us have NEVER experienced something like that. Traffic had not been this bad since 9/11 they said. It caused chaos in this area. It WAS a significant earthquake. 5.8 is nothing little by any means. Sure if you have experienced one greater than that, then sure it probably didn't jar you, but for the rest of us, it was a big deal. I get annoyed by people who always have to say "oh, no biggie, we had a 7.4 one in Cali...blah, blah, blah." So? What's your point?! Good for you. Don't undermine how the rest of us feel because you didn't experience this quake personally! Grr. People get on my nerves with that. People had their homes damaged. Whole apartment complexes are condemned, foundations shifted which will cost homeowners thousands and thousands of dollars to fix, as well as all the damage to the Monument and the Cathedral which they are estimating to cost over a million dollars to fix! Come on people, give us northerners a break! It WAS significant to us!

Progress

I have been so proud of myself lately. I started jogging a few weeks ago and absolutely enjoy it. I enjoy it more because in two weeks I have lost seven pounds! Yesterday I also did my Jillian Michael's workout and I am hurting today because of that, plus running. My entire body aches. So I must slow down and take it easy for a few days. Tomorrow I am starting to go jogging with one of my friends over at the track. It should help keep me motivated to stay on track with my goals. I am proud to say I am back down to 143. 10 more pounds and I will be back at my pre-pregnancy weight. After that I just need to tone myself. I really hate the muffin top and I so have one. It's disgusting. My lack of a positive self-image is another reason I am depressed and full of anxiety. I hate the way I look. I hate my hair, my clothes, my body, it all. I need to set a goal for myself and stay determined to meet that goal. I always go and do good for awhile and then fall back into old habits.

I love jogging though. I find it to be a great stress reliever. I don't think I want to make it a habit though. I prefer to just walk over running. As much as I love it I can feel how hard it is on my joints, especially my feet. I don't know if it is something I am interested in doing long-term. But we will see. It's nice for the time being, but I much prefer doing something else like walking with friends while we chit-chat, or doing the elliptical.

Still waiting on word from SFC Beaver on this assignment. He said he's still waiting to hear and retention has not given out the list yet of who was chosen for this assignment. We shall see I guess. I'm just anxious to know what is going on. It was so hard to clothes shop for the kids because I need to know what type of clothing to get them. If we move to Hawaii we won't need jackets and lots of jeans. So it has been frustrating to school shop for Kaylie when I have no idea when or even if we are moving over there. If we would have just chosen Benning I'm sure we would have orders by now and be getting ready to move any day now. Sigh...

It's so hard to just put it in God's hands and let what happens happen. I'm too impatient! This has been going on forever! Keeping my fingers crossed we find out what is happening soon!

Ugh! Men!!

I have been in a bad mood today. Why, you ask? Because of my husband. I am so tired of him procrastinating on EVERYTHING. Our car has been due for its emissions and inspection test. I have been hounding him everyday to take it in and he always replies "tomorrow". So finally today I said screw it and I took the car to get it done myself! I have no idea when it would have gotten done if I didn't take the initiative myself to do so!

Then I have been hounding him about calling branch to see what is going on. Again..his response is always "tomorrow". Well, frankly, tomorrow never comes! We will never get out of here at this rate if he keeps putting stuff off like this! It is so annoying!

Why do men have such a hard time getting things done? Why must they always put stuff off until the very last minute? Even with his school work he will put it off and put it off until the day he has an assignment or a paper due and then freak out about it. Why? Then he is asking me for help. Well, I refuse now. I felt bad for him at first, but not anymore!
He hates school and that's part of his problem. I keep telling him college is not for everyone and maybe its just not his thing. I refuse to write anymore papers for him or help him out in anyway.He's a grown man and should damn well be capable of taking care of himself.

It's a bit ridiculous. He's been working my nerves lately and I am about tired of it!

Sick of waiting!

I am so sick of waiting for orders out of here! We are both so ready to leave and MOVE ON. This is getting ridiculous. His med board has been done since freaking MARCH! Ugh! I am getting tired of asking Curt everyday when he gets home "heard anything yet, heard anything yet, heard anything yet"

GRRRR!

How much longer is it gonna take to get freaking orders?????

End of rant for the day!

Meltdown

I'm up way too early as usual! I'm going to be kicking myself for this once school starts back up!! Speaking of school I'm in two classes right now, Biology and Personality Theories. Both are high demand classes so I feel like I have less free time than usual for the next eight weeks. I'm already stressing this week getting work done! I can't believe I am almost half way done with my degree. It's so exciting!!

I haven't been sleeping good lately. I know it has to do with stress. This past weekend I had a meltdown again. I so hate when that happens. I just let the stress build up and build up until I just have a breakdown. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up about 30 minutes later and cried some more. I cried for three hours that night and another hour in the morning. I was doing some heavy thinking about my life and how sad I am about the way it turned out. I mean, I know there is nothing I can do about it except concentrate on the future, but its hard. I have so much depression and anxiety ever since Curt was injured. That was the turning point in our lives. I hate that this happened not only to him, but to me. It has broken me down. As I explained to Curt that next morning that he's not the only one affected by his injuries, it has affected me deeply as well. I have had to deal with the stress of him being in the hospital multiple times, deal with him seeing multiple doctors, multiple surgeries, "medicine problems", a seizure, and a plethora of other things I won't get into on a personal blog.

Dealing with all of that has put a lot of emotional stress on me. For the past four years I have only worried about Curt and my children. I have always put myself second. And I just can't do it anymore. I seriously sometimes think of putting myself in a clinic until I am treated for my depression. I need to detox myself. It would do me a world of good to have some down time. As soon as we move I most definitely want to find a counselor I love! I need someone to talk to.
That is another thing that has gotten me down. I feel so alone and that I have no one to share my deepest darkest secrets that won't hold it against me.

I can't talk to my mom, because, well, she is not one to have a deep conversation with. She never gets it. I won't talk to my sister because, well, she USED to know all my darkest aspects but then when we fought she burned me so bad by throwing a lot of stuff back in my face. I vowed I would never ever, ever let that happen again. I will never, ever tell her anything that she could burn me with again. That hurt beyond belief and I def learned my lesson on that.
I don't want to talk to my friends about it, because I would hate for them to start looking at me differently about my crazy life and I don't want them to feel burdened by me and my problems.
I would only be fully comfortable talking to a counselor who I know has to by law hold everything in confidence!
I hate feeling like that. I hate holding it all in and going downward fast. I need an outlet and I cannot wait to get one!
It's so easy to say I'm going to let things go. But ultimately... that is much easier said than done. I wish I had a strong support system and I really don't. Maybe its because I don't allow it though. I know I have people to vent to if I want, but I just choose not to. I allow myself to have the walls up, and I know I have walls up because I am desperately afraid of being burned again. I'm too scared to take them down....

On top of dealing with my psychological stress I also have the added stress of waiting to see WHEN we are moving. Ugh!!! I am so tired of waiting, waiting, waiting.
On top of that Katy has been sick. She started throwing up last week and by Friday it was so bad she threw up ten times! I took her in to the vet and they didn't know what to make of it. She hasn't been eating or drinking for the past week. She's lost weight. The vet examined her and gave her some fluids to rehydrate her and two shots to help stimulate her. No change over the weekend. Took her back yesterday and they did blood work (which came back clean) and another back of fluids was given to her. We also now have medicine to give her. It's a appetite stimulant and so far she has been snacking a little bit, but not fully eating...and she still hasn't had anything to drink. Breaks my heart to see her not acting normal. Poor kitty. :(
They don't think there is anything lodged in her throat or stomach like a hairball or anything. But if it continues we will take xrays next to be sure she has nothing stuck in her throat. The doctor didn't see anything though when she looked down her throat and her stomach felt fine and not hard. We shall see I guess!

Waiting Continues

We finally heard back from the COAD branch manager. Go figure he's been on leave for two weeks. ;)

Anyway he found out more about the job in Hawaii. Apparently its a packet position, which means Curt has to submit himself through HRC for it. So we went ahead and did that. We don't think there is a reason for him to not get the position but there is still that chance they won't select him. I wish we would have known about that ahead of time. Another thing we found out yesterday from his AW2 advocate is that once we get orders it is easier to get appointmenst to get our command sponsorship done. We then become priority for appts. And since we are in the process of a huge transition between hospitals and they lack appts there is a good chance they would send us off post to get our physicals and stuff taken care of. So that is a relief. She assured us she would do everything in her power for us to fly over there together. Because there is no chance in hell I will be flying on a 10 hour flight alone with a toddler!!! Not after the Colorado fiasco! Uh-uh! Ain't doing it!

So now we just wait again. Supposedly we should hear next week (not holding my breath with the army's timelines) more about what is going to go on and the BM is gonna see if he can give us any sort of timeline. I think if Curt gets this position (which apparently is all across Hawaii and not at any one particular location according to the BM) it will work out. Especially with Katy, our cat. Her earliest date of entry into Hawaii is Oct 18th. So looking at things now, we hope they work out that way where we will be moving the end of October.

If this position doesn't work out, I guess its back to Benning. A big part of me secretly wishes for that anyway. I am ready for a lot of things that Hawaii doesn't offer us. I am ready to settle down and buy a house, like really ready to buy a house, its literally all I think about, I am ready to start my career and earn my Master's starting in about a year and a half and I am ready for stability for my children. We shall see what is in store for us I guess!