Scary day

Yesterday between 2:30 and 3:00 sometime, I don't remember the exact time it happened was one of the scariest things that have happened. Curt had just gone upstairs and gotten Brandon out of his crib from his nap. He brought him downstairs and changed his diaper. He walked into the kitchen to get Brandon's cup and throw away the diaper. I was sitting on the couch at this point and he walks away to go to the bathroom. I hear a crash in the bathroom. My initial thought was that he had sat on the litter box and not the toilet since they are right next to each other. I also thought I heard him laugh. So I yell to him asking what happened, expecting him to come around the corner laughing that he sat on the litter box. Well..he never came around the corner.

At this point I get up to see what is going on. I can hear him making a noise but I'm not sure if he is crying because he hurt his leg or what. As soon as I round the corner to the bathroom I see him laying on the floor in the doorway. His lower body is in the hallway and his upper body is on the floor. He is laying face down and I notice right away that he is convulsing. His whole body is shaking from head to toe and I start screaming his name.I get down to check him and I see his eyes are glazed and I knew then, he was having a seizure. I was screaming so loud that Kaylie came in from outside to see what is going on. I tell her not to come through the baby gate so she doesn't see him. He is still convulsing and he is grunting. He has his eyes open, he's face down, and I immediately grab the phone and call 911.

I'm shaking so bad and I am not calm at all. I knew when I was dialing that I would have to ask to be transferred to Fort Belvoir. When you dial 911 here it routes itself to Fairfax County and not on post. So as soon as the lady answers the phone I'm rattling off that I need to be transferred to Belvoir and I need an ambulance. She transfers me and I'm still shaking and talking way to fast. I try to calm down, but seeing my husband withering on the floor was beyond scary. He has me check his pulse and I say he has one. I can feel it. He seized about a minute in a half to two minutes. I get down to see if he is breathing and he is. He also has saliva running out of his mouth and some blood. His eyes are half open, half closed and I keep checking his pulse and breathing until the paramedics arrive.

They arrive and as soon as they come in and hover over him he wakes up. He is completely out of it and groggy. They help him up and move him to the chair. They check his blood sugar, give him oxygen, while I'm going over his medications and explaining what happened to the lead firefighter. They eventually get him on the stretcher and take him up to DeWitt hospital here on post. He had a cat scan done and they did blood work. Curt remembers none of this. He said the last thing he remembers is heading into the bathroom and then he blacked out.

So he follows up with neurology this week. He has to call tomorrow to get the appointment. What we think happened was he was prescribed new medicine by the pain clinic on Wednesday. One of the new medicines was Tramadol. And one of the severe side affects is seizures(convulsions). They took him off of tramadol and gave him a prescription for percocet again. So we think the tramadol is the culprit. We will hopefully find out when we see neurology and mention that to them.

That was are scary day yesterday. It was the most terrifying thing to witness your loved one having a seizure and non responsive. I seriously thought he was dying. One of the fears I have had since he was injured. One that scares me still. That I will find him dead one morning, I like I found him yesterday, nonresponsive and losing him. Fears that fill me with dread some days.... I cried and cried and cried all day yesterday. Of course once the ambulance left and I called my mom and sister..no one answered. No one. The one time I NEED to talk to someone..no one answers. Just made it so much worse for me. One of the few times I felt so alone as I had then. I had no one. No one. No.One.

I shut down last night. I was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. My body was shutting itself down to protect itself. I knew that and felt it so I went to bed at 9:30 last night.

I can't be strong all the time. I can't. We have been through so much. I don't know when it will be too much. When I will shut down completely. I consider myself a very strong woman. But there comes a point when I can't be strong. I need to let myself break and have that moment to just let it all out. Cry and cry and cry. I hate it, but it needs to happen. I feel like I'm running on nothing now. I need a break. I need a break before I break.