Hitting a lull

Curt went to the doctor this morning to see how his NARSUM is coming. Guess what...Dr. Edmundson hasn't even started it!!! Great. So much for the 35 days. It's almost been 35 days. Sigh. So Curt sent an email to his peblo asking him what is going on since apparently the doctor is waiting on the packet from the VA which comes through the peblo. Why is that dumb ass taking so long to get the packet over to the Dr???? Really! So like I said Curt emailed him to see what the hold up is. I hate when he emails since you get a slower response. I wish that he would either call him or go up to his office at the hospital. Oh well. We'll see what he has to say when he finally responds back..or not. HA.

This med board stuff is very frustrating and mentally draining. We did Curt's side by side on Wednesday (where Brandon had a complete meltdown..but that's a whole 'nother story). The side by side is where we see both of his pays side by side--obviously--all broken down. The pay on the left is if he was to stay active duty. The pay on the right is him retiring now at 100& disability. Since he is likely to get 80% through the army she said that then the VA would probably rate him 100%. so she calculated his retirement pay at 100%. Either way its a pay cut if he retires now. By 20G's. That's a lot..a big difference. But we noticed when we got home that his active pay was calculated as still receiving social security disability, which when he goes back to a "real" unit, he will stop receiving SSD. So we calculated that loss and found the difference in pay to only be a grand. That's it. He would lose a grand if he retired now.

So Curt's first though was. Damn, well I'll take retirement since we won't be losing much. I said, umm, honey, that's a grand extra a month we would/will have if you stay in. So honestly it is still better to stay in. I don't want to lose a grand a month. It's not like I will have to worry, or him have to worry, about deploying again since he is non-deployable so I think the best option still is to do the COAD like we were planning to.

It just sucks that things have slowed down. I hate, hate, hate waiting and we have been waiting for a decision for a long time. By the time we get out of here, God knows when now, his initial date of injury will be almost four years! Four years of doctors, physical therapy, surgeries, ups and downs. It begins to take its toll on a person. Curt especially, but his family as well. This whole thing has put a lot of stress and anxiety on me. I'm learning to deal with it and learn to accept the things I cannot change, which is hard. I have a very hard time of letting things go and let be what will be. It's all just frustrating at times. It makes me frustrated and mad to know this is the life we will have for as long as we live. To know that in as little as twenty years or so my husband will end up being wheelchair bound for the rest of his life. He will probably only to be able to have one more revision on his knee before they cannot do anymore for him.

It's hard to deal with. If I could turn back time and take it all back..I would. This isn't the life we imagined for ourselves. It's sad to see what has become of my husband of a war that should have never been. My husband was blown up for nothing. My husband lost so much of himself in that God forsaken country of Iraq. It makes me mad to even think about it at times.

Guess I'm having a pity party today. Which is perfectly fine, I'm entitled to it every now and then! And the longer we stay here in limbo the more depressed I become.....will there ever be an end to this long, treacherous road...will we ever find the door out of this place??