Been awhile!

Wow, I've noticed its been awhile! I don't write as often as I used to. What a shame too. Oh, well...I'm here now. So what happened in 2013 since I last talked to you all? Nothing much!

Kaylie has started 5th grade and just this last quarter received the Super Eagle award. That is an award given to two students from each class each quarter. So proud of her and her accomplishments! She is getting so big and is so smart. She reads ALL the time. Constantly. She is never without a book in her hand. We finally got her a cell phone for Christmas. She really doesn't have anyone to call, but its nice for her to have in case of emergencies I guess. I'm sure soon enough she will be texting nonstop like the rest of preteens/teenagers these days!

Brandon is still my wild man! He is four now and is on the wait list for the preschool here on post. Even though I doubt he'll even get a spot before we move later this year! We play outside a lot and he is now a pro riding his bike. He loves guns, swords, and is really getting into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lately and Star Wars.

Curt is still doing his army thing. He completed SLC a few months ago (school needed to make his next rank of E7). He is working on reclassing now to MI and who knows what that will bring us! We are really hoping we can get Fort Campbell, KY next. It's been calling my name for a few months now. It's closest to home (only 8 hours), a gorgeous area, great post, and nice size city of Clarksville, TN right outside the gates, and has great real estate. I can actually see us living there forever and settling down. But who knows! One year at a time right!?! ;)
I honestly would go anywhere. I want to see at least one more place before we settle down.

As for me I have one main issue I want to work on this year and that is LOSE WEIGHT. Over the course of last year I gained 18 lbs. Yes, 18 lbs. I am now a whopping 156.4 pounds..the heaviest I have ever been and I FEEL IT. I am considered overweight for my height. This bothers me. Especially with all the health issues that run in my family. So my goal is to lose that 18 pounds. I have been a steady 133-137 since I had Brandon. Over the last year I was around 136. Then bam! I don't know what happened. Wait, yes I do. I overeat, and eat, eat, eat all day because I'm bored. So here we are today at 156. Not happy, but motivated to change and get back down so my jeans fit again. It was a sad day when I pulled out my favorite capris from my closet and couldn't get them up over my hips! I have to do this. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and not be depressed about it anymore!
I got a treadmill and have been using it every other day starting out. Eventually I will get to using it every day and running on it everyday. On the off days of the treadmill I have been doing my Jillian Michael's DVD or taking the dog for a long walk. Yesterday we went hiking which I considered my workout for the day. Sunday will be my rest day. As having not worked out for a long time I am easing myself into it as to not over do it.Anyway, that is my biggest issue right now.

 Ending on a good note: I have four classes left until I am done with school. Can't wait!! I'll be done June 1st! I completed my resume and am just working on tweaking it a bit to get it perfect. Since we have no idea where we are moving next or even when exactly, my future plans are on hold. I hate planning my life around the army sometimes! I still would love get my MSW, but we shall see!

Other than that we are just planning on enjoying our last year in Hawaii and taking advantage of all we can with the time we have left! Aloha!!

What's Happening?!?

Wow, I haven't blogged in forever! Nothing much has gone on. We seem to be in a great place here, but of course my mind is going all different directions. I have exactly one year of school left until I graduate. I have been going round and round in my head about what I should do when I'm done. I think I have decided on pursuing my MSW (master's in social work). I think that would give me the degree I need to work in anything from hospitals, clinics, schools, vet centers, etc. I feel good about that decision, but who knows it will probably change again! It just sucks also not knowing what is going on with us as far as moving back to GA. Curt got that job offer and they are supposed to be interviewing candidates for Curt's position here at Schofield, but we haven't heard anything yet. The COAD branch manager said two more things have come up that have taken priority over this so he told Curt to hang tight he is working on as he can. With that in limbo, who knows! If this position doesn't work out for Curt he plans on reclassing in December. That will have us at one year left on island and that is the earliest he can reclass. So all of that seems to be up in the air. Especially add on me wanting to go to graduate school and not able to apply until we know where we are going sucks! Ugh. Oh well! It'll work out I'm sure.

Other changes is that we now own a dog. A golden retriever we named Leila. She is the sweetest dog! Kaylie has finished 4th grade and will enter her last year of elementary school this fall. Where the heck has time gone??? I'm going to Vegas in about two weeks with a group of girls and I am really looking forward to that. It's going to be so awesome to not have any worries and just let loose and have a blast for a few days. Can't wait! My family and I are also going to Maui for labor day weekend and I am really looking forward to that as well. Knocking out all the islands while we still have time. Love it!!

That's the quick update on our life! I'll get more in depth next time. Promise!

The Magic Number 10

10. 10 means a lot to me right now. 10 stands for the light at the end of the tunnel. What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about how much longer I have left in school... I have 10 classes left, yes 10 classes left until I graduate. By the end of October I will have 4 classes left. It feels great! It's been a long road, and I can feel the end is drawing near. Late next spring I should have my BA in psychology. I cannot wait!!!

As far as what I am going to do after that, I'm not sure yet. I would love to go to graduate school, but at the same time I'm scared of taking on more debt and not being able to find a job in counseling. So, I am leaving my mind open for the next year while I finish up my BA and go from there. Whatever happens, happens and I have faith that everything always works out the way it is supposed to.  :)

Vacations and moving!

We just got back from the Big Island a few days ago. It was amazing!! The flight over was pretty cool because we were able to see the other islands as we flew over. The flight is only about 40 minutes which was perfect. The Big Island is just so different than Oahu. It is much more spread out and relaxed, whereas Oahu is crazy busy with traffic and people everywhere. I loved it. We stayed at a military camp called KMC in the Volcano National Park. IT was a cute little cabin with a fireplace and all. The Volcano park was fun to explore, it's huge so it was impossible to see it all among the other stuff we wanted to do so we just hit the main points. The Kilauea crater is the most active volcano in the world. It has been erupting continuously since 1983. It's a sight to see for sure. Especially at night! It's beautiful and awe-inspiring. We also went upcountry to see some waterfalls. Akaka Falls is the biggest waterfall in the state of Hawaii and was breathtakingly beautiful. We also went downsouth to Black Sand Beach, which is a beach that lava ran through and the sand is now all black from the lava. It was one of my favorite things! I wish I could have taken some sand but they have signs posted that it is illegal to take the black sand because it is from the volcano. So I didn't...because I like to follow the rules. haha
We also went to the southernmost point in the US and tried to go to Green Sand beach, but opted out after we saw it was a 3 mile high to get to it from the end of the road. Bummer! Overall, it was a great vacation. I loved it there! I even thought the people had more Aloha spirit than here on Oahu. We hope to go to Maui later this year, since this will be our last opportunity to see another island before we leave.

Why you ask? Well, because Curt got orders back to Benning! We report in January. As much as we love Hawaii and are not ready to leave yet (only will be here two years before we leave) it is a great job opportunity for Curt. He wasn't sure if he was going to take the job but last Friday he woke up from a message from one of his fellow COAD soldiers asking him if he was leaving Hawaii. Curt told him not that he was aware of because he had told the COAD branch manager he was thinking of reclassing so didn't want to take the job just yet. Well, this other COAD soldier told him he got an email about a MAR2 position on Schofield, which is Curt's job here. So when Curt got to work he called branch and he said he had been waiting for Curt to call him this morning. He got the job at Benning. It's a COAD position only and him and another soldier got the positions. So here we are. Moving back to GA in less than a year! Aaaaggghhhh!!!

I guess this job involves a lot of traveling. He will be gone TDY (temporary duty) a lot. In May this year they are going to Australia for a month, then this summer they are going to Israel. So when Curt gets there he is stoked about all the traveling he will be getting to do. I'm so jealous. haha
Anyway, as much as I say sometimes that I am ready to leave Hawaii, I know I'm not 100% ready. So much more I want to see and do. I don't want to leave here with regrets of not doing things and exploring so now we cram everything in that we wanted to do and were trying to space out! But at the same time I am excited to get back "home" and settle down! It will be nice to have stability and have Kaylie finish out school with the same friends and let Brandon grow up going to the same school with most of the same kids for his whole life just like I did.:)

We know we want to buy a house back in GA too, and we are trying to get all our ducks in a row with that, so its really time to also money crunch and save save save as much as we can. We thought we would have three years of COLA to save, so now we have to readjust and work it out to save what we can with our time left here.

Changes are coming!!!

Changes are a 'comin! Or are they?

The first change going on in my life is that I finally got back on anxiety meds. I started Celexa and am loving it. No issues after I adjusted to it. I had nausea for the first two weeks but that is gone now. I had my follow up appt and I told her the other side effect I am having is that even though I still have a sex drive I cannot orgasm, which is common with celexa. So she prescribed me wellbutrin to counteract the celexa and balance out. I also started blood pressure meds. Reaching my 30s and I'm starting to go downhill. haha
I also start seeing a psychologist in a few weeks. I am very much looking forward to that!

The other issue that has been on my mind is school...again! I will be done with my BA next year in June. After that my plan was to wait until we PCS and then start working on my master's in school counseling. Well, I happened to be googling the other day and ran across a forum for school counselors. They were talking about how barely any of them work in a school yet. Some have been graduated from 2004 on! It is so hard to get a foot in the door in that field, which I am fully aware of and knew about this field. Anyway, after reading through the blog and seeing how people are struggling to get into a school I got discouraged heading in that direction. I don't want to spend so much money going for my degree and not be able to use it until someone either retires, transfers, or dies! And that is the reality of the school counseling field.

So I started thinking about social work again. I've thought about it before, but its hard to get into and I'm not sure if that is the right field for me. Then there are not any colleges that are close to any army posts that I could go to and get this degree. It's frustrating and I feel a sense of loss. I feel like I am back at square one with no idea what I want to do with my life. It sucks! With that said I also started thinking about just finishing my BA and being done. I really don't need a master's unless I pursue the counseling aspect of the social science field, and a BA in psychology is peanuts, in other words it means nothing in the psych world. You need at the very least a master's to do anything in that field worth something. If I just finish my BA and be done I could just get my realtor license and do that route. But I'm not making any decisions yet. I have a little over a year before I even finish my first college degree. I'll just concentrate on that and leave the rest to fall into place!

If Curt doesn't make the E7 list this year, which I think he won't, he is going to reclass to MI this summer. So who knows what would happen after that. We leave Hawaii late next year, so I don't know how all of that is going to work.  Life is always full of changes it seems. I guess we'll see what 2013 brings to us!

Relief!

I feel relieved that I finally went to the doctor to get back on anxiety meds. When we were at Belvoir, our life was so stressful dealing with Curt's surgeries and other issues that my anxiety was out of control. I finally broke down and went to my doctor to get help. She prescribed me a low dose of Lorazepam. It did nothing for me and I never went back. I also never started the counseling she put me in for.

Fast forward to here and again, I'm feeling anxious and depressed at times. My doctor here brought up a good point and I agree with it 100% now that I think about it. My anxiety levels get so high, and as it continues to get higher and reach that high plateau I think in my head how crazy I feel and how stressed I am that it causes the downward spiral into depression. And yes, I totally see that now. She put me on Celexa and also a referral to counseling. Since behavioral health is so backed up here I got referred out into town. So when they called me that day they told me they would put in an outside referral that I should be getting soon. Cool. I know that is needed too! Anyway, I've been on Celexa since Friday, so this is my third day taking it. So far I don't notice too much of a difference (which is normal for anti-depressant medications to take about a month to notice), but I am only taking half of a pill for this first week, then the whole pill after 7 days. I have been feeling nauseous since I started it though, which is a side effect. And my appetite is pretty small.

I'm anxious to see how taking the whole pill will make me feel next week! Anyway, I'm glad I took the first step into making myself better. It's been a long, tumultuous five years since Curt was injured. We have had so many ups and downs, I'm surprised I have lasted this long! It's time to confront these issues and talk about them with a professional.  As a psychology student I know how important it is to get the proper treatment which is a combination of meds and therapy. I don't want to just cover-up the problem with medication, I want to get to the root of it and find ways to deal with my anxiety issues. It's the only way to get 100% better!! So I look forward to that as well. I'm excited to become "Me" again!!

Gloom and Doom

I have been in a dark place for...hmmm...awhile now! I don't know what it is, but my best guess is that its a combination of factors. Stress being one of them from a variety of things that are too personal to post on a blog. I feel like no one understands me, gets who I am and what my issues are and most of the time they overwhelm me. And it sucks when you feel all alone in the world. I have been on a rampage for like a week now. Just very irritable, crabby, and extremely moody. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate who I am becoming. I go to the doctor next week and I know for a fact I will not be walking out of her office without some sort of anxiety medication. Maybe its more than anxiety, maybe I am dealing with a bit of depression too. Sometimes I feel like is a daily struggle. I get so irritated, so very quickly. I use to be such a fun person. I was the go to girl when everyone wanted to have a good time.I loved being social and having FUN!!! Now I just want to be alone most of the time, prefer to be cooped up in the house, and feel bothered by everyone. I feel I'm more sad, mad, angry, depressed, than I am happy, carefree and joyful. A complete 360 from who I was before....It's disgusting... and when I start brooding over all of that I get into even a deeper hole inside of myself.

Everyone suffers for it to. My family especially. I feel horrible when I yell at the kids and snap at them, but then again, sometimes I just need a break!! And I feel like I never get one. I'm not one to always need a break from my kids, I enjoy being with them the majority of the time and want them with me and not pawned off on other people, but man, sometimes when I need that break, I need it. I feel like I am reaching a breaking point and am getting desperate. I can see myself spiraling out of control and I don't like it.

I need help!