Gloom and Doom

I have been in a dark place for...hmmm...awhile now! I don't know what it is, but my best guess is that its a combination of factors. Stress being one of them from a variety of things that are too personal to post on a blog. I feel like no one understands me, gets who I am and what my issues are and most of the time they overwhelm me. And it sucks when you feel all alone in the world. I have been on a rampage for like a week now. Just very irritable, crabby, and extremely moody. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate who I am becoming. I go to the doctor next week and I know for a fact I will not be walking out of her office without some sort of anxiety medication. Maybe its more than anxiety, maybe I am dealing with a bit of depression too. Sometimes I feel like is a daily struggle. I get so irritated, so very quickly. I use to be such a fun person. I was the go to girl when everyone wanted to have a good time.I loved being social and having FUN!!! Now I just want to be alone most of the time, prefer to be cooped up in the house, and feel bothered by everyone. I feel I'm more sad, mad, angry, depressed, than I am happy, carefree and joyful. A complete 360 from who I was before....It's disgusting... and when I start brooding over all of that I get into even a deeper hole inside of myself.

Everyone suffers for it to. My family especially. I feel horrible when I yell at the kids and snap at them, but then again, sometimes I just need a break!! And I feel like I never get one. I'm not one to always need a break from my kids, I enjoy being with them the majority of the time and want them with me and not pawned off on other people, but man, sometimes when I need that break, I need it. I feel like I am reaching a breaking point and am getting desperate. I can see myself spiraling out of control and I don't like it.

I need help!