Nothing serious we hope....

About a month ago now I think we were upstairs getting Brandon out of the bath. Curt went to sit down on the ground while we got B dressed when we both heard a pop sound in his bad knee. Right away Curt said "what the eff was that" and stood back up. He said it hurt when it happened. Now ever since he has felt like something was off. He finally went and got x-rays done on his knee today. We are really hoping nothing is seriously wrong. He said it has felt like something is sticking out or out of place. He's really worried about it. If something is wrong and he needs another surgery or something I swear I will break down. I can't handle it right now. Both our anxiety levels will go out of this Earth. We both really hope this doesn't affect anything as far as leaving here. We should be hearing on COAD any day now. We are both ready to leave here!

Tired of it!!!

For real. Honestly. Completely. Tired of it.

Family that is. I always say I am done asking family to come visit, then my stupid self tries again just to get denied. I am soooo tired of it!!! I honestly am DONE asking.
I asked my mom and stepdad to come down and visit for Easter, even told them we would pay for the plane tickets. Nope....

My mom says but what about when you move into your house. I tried to explain to her that we might not get the house now and we might be moving somewhere else. We don't know yet. We're exploring options. It's a huge possibility that we will end up back in GA, yes, but not officially yet. And that just pisses me off because they don't care about seeing us, they just want to see the house!! Ugh...

I just booked our trip to Colorado in May for the Warrior Games today. I asked my mom if she would consider coming with me to help out with the kids. (Really not looking forward to flying by myself with two children). Nope...

I am beyond irritated. We went home for the first time in two years last summer. I won't do it again. I'm tired of always being the one who has to come to them. Screw it. I cannot rely or count on my family..AT ALL.

My sister would in a heartbeat, but we all know how hard it is for her to get away from her craziness. Its next to impossible. She has six kids to take care of. She can't just get away; whereas my mother, who has no one at home to take care of, won't. Even if I offer to pay. So sad. And so ridiculous.

I am so tired of it.
A good majority of the time I feel like I have no one I can rely on when I need it the most. I sat and cried today, because I am so stressed out. We are moving in a few months, have no idea WHERE, have no idea about anything that is going on, besides just waiting on an approval for COAD. Its beyond frustrating and certainly beyond stressful.
I am full of anxiety and stress. No one gets it. No one understands how hard it is for me. And how sometimes I just break. I keep all the stress in and bottle it up and then when I can't take it anymore it all falls apart. I wish I could make it just all go away. I wish I had family who understood my emotional needs.

Boring times!

Nothing much new to report. Still waiting on this whole COAD thing. Curt is working on his 3 letters of recommendations right now. They should be done by Tuesday. Hopefully we will be hearing back from HRC by the end of the week or next week.

Curt has a busy time coming up. His birthday is the 14th of April and I'm at a loss on what to get him. He's heading to West Point April 19th for a few days, then pretty much the whole month of May he will be gone. Not the whole month, but half of the month for the Warrior Games in Colorado. This year, me and the kids are going as well to cheer him on. I'm excited to go, I've never been to the west coast side of the states. :)
I'm nervous about flying alone with two kids though. Should be interesting! We won't get to see him much since he'll be busy at the games, but I look forward to seeing him compete.

Other than that. It's been pretty boring around here. I'm getting antsy for this COAD stuff and to sit down with Venice (coad branch manager) and find out where we have options at and when we will be moving and WHEN. I'm happy that Kaylie will get to finish the school year out here at least. That makes me feel better.

Anywhoo, that is all!

Blabberings

Sometimes I feel like this will never end. I know Curt's med board is done now, but here we are waiting on COAD. I mean it won't be too much longer now. His packet is done at PDA (Physical Disability Agency) and is now at HRC. I don't see why it has to go through both agencies. It should just go straight to HRC since the Army G-1 is the authority over COAD for AW2 (army wounded warriors) soldiers. All AW2 soldiers who have applied for COAD have gotten approved, which is good to know. It makes you feel better knowing they are at 100% approval rate. I just hate that everything is sooo slow and always involves so much paperwork.

So now he has to get a packet together to send to HRC. He has to get 3 letters and some other stuff (like awards called NCOer's or something). Hopefully soon we will be able to sit down with the COAD branch manager and discuss options. At this point we know we will be losing the house. It will go back on the market April 1st. I am fine with it. It just sucks we wasted so much money!!
I'm excited to see where we could go from here. Benning is definitely not my first choice anymore. That place has caused me so much stress the past few months. Even though it has the best career options for Curt, we are going to see what else is out there. If nothing else tickles his fancy, well then I guess we will just have to suck it up and stick with Benning anyway. We have decided we are not telling anybody anything until we get concrete information from now on. I would hate to risk telling everybody we are heading somewhere or doing something and then it not work out. Makes you feel like an idiot for getting excited about something that could potentially not happen. So our motto from now on is to stay silent on the matter of what is going on as far as decisions we are in the process of making or thinking about.
Rest assured as soon as we know anything 100% for certain, I will be spreading the word. :)

Semi-good news

Just got off of the phone with Linda, our realtor. The builder is willing to hold the house for us until March 31st. We should definitely know something by then as far as when Curt is going to be re-enlisting and all. I'm still cautious just because this has been one of the biggest stresses of our lives.

I have been going back and forth on what to do, as has Curt. Losing this house would definitely hurt us both physically and financially since we would lose two grand. Two grand is a lot of money. My heart is in Columbus though.

I've been wishing for signs to help us make a decision and this could be one of those signs.
We made a pros and cons list for the two duty stations we had in mind. And Benning has more pros than cons for the both of us, whereas the other place has more cons than pros. So I guess we have reached our decision.

We shall see. I'm still being cautious like I said. I'm trying to learn to live by the motto "what will be, will be."

The Next Waiting Game Starts

Well, Curt's packet for COAD arrived at PDA (Physical Disability Agency) yesterday. It is supposed to take two weeks there, then they send it to HRC and it takes two weeks there. I don't know all the logistics of this process as I was unable to go with Curt to start it. I have no idea what is going on, which really bugs me. I have no idea where we are going and what we are going to do. It sucks. I wish this house fiasco had never occurred. A part of me is so over house hunting that I want to just forget it for awhile and go explore the world. I mean, we haven't been anywhere in our whole nine years in the army besides Fort Benning and here. That's it. I would hate to just go back to Benning and call it a day. The army is for exploring the world. We should take advantage of it on the army's dime!

The other part of me is screaming to settle down though. I want stability for my kids. As much as I would love to travel around a little more, in all honesty I also DON'T want that. If that makes any sense. I want my kids to grow up in one house, go to the same school, have the same friends, be able to establish a life somewhere with extended family friends to count on. So, I'm torn both ways.
At this point as much as I try not to think about all this. I do anyway. I'm a planner. And in the army its impossible to plan things. Everything is so slow and so much paperwork is involved, sometimes I hate that.

My sister said something to me yesterday that made me think. We were talking about our kids growing up and blah, blah, when she said she wishes for her kids never to be in the military or a police officer, firefighter etc. It's too dangerous. She mentioned all that we have been through, 3 deployments, his injury and all of that nonsense. It took me aback for a second. And I responded that as much as I hate what we have gone through, I still love the army life. I love it. I don't know why..maybe because it has me thankful for a steady job, paycheck, housing, meeting all the people I have. But at the same time, the army has caused problems for myself. If it wasn't for the army I wouldn't have anxiety issues, and panic attacks, and depression. It's weird. All we have been through and I still enjoy this life. Makes me think.

I have also been thinking alot about my health lately. On the news is those two stories of the teenagers who died playing sports from heart problems. This scares me for a couple reason. One, my family has a history of heart problems. My grandma has heart disease, had a triple bypass done a few years ago, my grandpa on the other side died from a heart attack at the age of 44,everyone I know in my family has heart murmurs, including myself, Kaylie, and Brandon.
All my life I have had this pain in my heart at times. I have always called it that (the pain in my heart). It's been happening more and more recently too. I know it has to do with my weight gain. I am still up 15 pounds from prepregancy weight. I don't want to start any strenuous exercise program or running until I am cleared of any sort of heart condition that could cause me to go into cardiac arrest. I picture that happening to myself a lot and it bugs me. What I mean by "heart pain" is that I have a stabbing pain in my chest and I can't breathe. I can barely take a breath in. At times I am in tears because of it. I really should make a doc appt.
Also before my kids ever play sports I want them to get an EKG done. Kaylie had one when she was around two. And she WAS referred to an cardiologist, I just never made the appt. Which is so bad of me! Who knows what I was thinking. So I want to do all that again. I don't want my kids to die on the floor of the basketball court, volleyball court, whatever sport they play if they do so.
I saw that tidbit of info on GMA the other morning. In Italy they require all kids to go through a full physical and get an EKG done before playing sports. It has brought the death toll down significantly because of that.
I will do the same for my children as well.

Anyway, that is all.

Maybe, Maybe Not??

That is the new motto of the moment. Linda (our realtor) called this morning. She said she was talking to her broker this morning and he said that according to Alabama law the seller cannot give the earnest money to the builder. So that means we can get half of it back possibly, which is better than nothing!

I also explained to her how we are all waiting on ONE stupid letter from the army G-1 saying Curt is accepted into COAD. One letter. Once he gets that letter he can reenlist and that will solve all the problems. Once again, if we would have known we needed one year left on his army contract to qualify for the loan we would have never even started it!

She said she was going to call the builders agent (remax) and explain it all to him and see what he says. She calls back about ten minutes later and said that Mike(builders real estate agent through remax) said they REALLY don't want to take the house away from us and will work with us as much as he can. He will tell the builder it could possibly be another week before we can close.

Well even that is not guaranteed. It could take up to an month and a half for COAD to go through. So things still don't look good. We are just playing along though. We are waiting on that piece of paper from the G-1 anyway! Even if we lose the contract, in the state of Alabama we have to sign a form releasing us from the contract. At that point we can request half of our earnest money back. Which is great news!

So, it still really is up in the air, but right now we are just looking at it as we are losing the house. I mean, it won't sell before we get orders and all of that, so we could buy it then, but I would just hate to go through all that again with them!

At this point, we are just playing it by ear and we will see where this leads us.
That's the scoop so far this morning.