The Next Waiting Game Starts

Well, Curt's packet for COAD arrived at PDA (Physical Disability Agency) yesterday. It is supposed to take two weeks there, then they send it to HRC and it takes two weeks there. I don't know all the logistics of this process as I was unable to go with Curt to start it. I have no idea what is going on, which really bugs me. I have no idea where we are going and what we are going to do. It sucks. I wish this house fiasco had never occurred. A part of me is so over house hunting that I want to just forget it for awhile and go explore the world. I mean, we haven't been anywhere in our whole nine years in the army besides Fort Benning and here. That's it. I would hate to just go back to Benning and call it a day. The army is for exploring the world. We should take advantage of it on the army's dime!

The other part of me is screaming to settle down though. I want stability for my kids. As much as I would love to travel around a little more, in all honesty I also DON'T want that. If that makes any sense. I want my kids to grow up in one house, go to the same school, have the same friends, be able to establish a life somewhere with extended family friends to count on. So, I'm torn both ways.
At this point as much as I try not to think about all this. I do anyway. I'm a planner. And in the army its impossible to plan things. Everything is so slow and so much paperwork is involved, sometimes I hate that.

My sister said something to me yesterday that made me think. We were talking about our kids growing up and blah, blah, when she said she wishes for her kids never to be in the military or a police officer, firefighter etc. It's too dangerous. She mentioned all that we have been through, 3 deployments, his injury and all of that nonsense. It took me aback for a second. And I responded that as much as I hate what we have gone through, I still love the army life. I love it. I don't know why..maybe because it has me thankful for a steady job, paycheck, housing, meeting all the people I have. But at the same time, the army has caused problems for myself. If it wasn't for the army I wouldn't have anxiety issues, and panic attacks, and depression. It's weird. All we have been through and I still enjoy this life. Makes me think.

I have also been thinking alot about my health lately. On the news is those two stories of the teenagers who died playing sports from heart problems. This scares me for a couple reason. One, my family has a history of heart problems. My grandma has heart disease, had a triple bypass done a few years ago, my grandpa on the other side died from a heart attack at the age of 44,everyone I know in my family has heart murmurs, including myself, Kaylie, and Brandon.
All my life I have had this pain in my heart at times. I have always called it that (the pain in my heart). It's been happening more and more recently too. I know it has to do with my weight gain. I am still up 15 pounds from prepregancy weight. I don't want to start any strenuous exercise program or running until I am cleared of any sort of heart condition that could cause me to go into cardiac arrest. I picture that happening to myself a lot and it bugs me. What I mean by "heart pain" is that I have a stabbing pain in my chest and I can't breathe. I can barely take a breath in. At times I am in tears because of it. I really should make a doc appt.
Also before my kids ever play sports I want them to get an EKG done. Kaylie had one when she was around two. And she WAS referred to an cardiologist, I just never made the appt. Which is so bad of me! Who knows what I was thinking. So I want to do all that again. I don't want my kids to die on the floor of the basketball court, volleyball court, whatever sport they play if they do so.
I saw that tidbit of info on GMA the other morning. In Italy they require all kids to go through a full physical and get an EKG done before playing sports. It has brought the death toll down significantly because of that.
I will do the same for my children as well.

Anyway, that is all.