What will our future hold??

Little update on me...I decided to stick it out with AMU and finish there. I have about a year and a half left. I went ahead and signed up for all my fall and winter classes so now I am scheduled through the end of March for school with all of my scholarship money so I won't be paying a dime for any of these classes. That's the good news I guess. I guess I should also just be thankful I will be exiting college with very minimal student loans as compared to most. I still dread that payment though. Ugh....haha

Anyway, so last night me and Curt started talking about his career and his fear of not getting promoted due to his injury. We have a little over two years left in Hawaii. I was googling last night and found the armor E7 promotion board prereq's. Curt needs to start taking advantage of any military school he can. They look at that for promotion to SFC. After the new year he will be going to SLC (formerly called ANCOC) which is the school to get promoted to E7 (or SFC). That is a two month long school back at Fort Benning. I also have been trying to get him to sign up for a specialty position because it looks excellent on your record and pretty much guarantees promotion. For awhile now I have been talking to him about becoming a recruiter and how nice it would be to move home for three years. He is against the idea, because he hates the idea of recruiting, but it would look so good on his record. He can do that or be an instructor back at Benning. So in 2013 he will be working on all the schools he can and then once we have 6-12 months left until our DEROS (date we leave Hawaii, which is Dec 2014) he can put in his packet for either recruiting or instructor.

This is all if he doesn't get picked up for E7 in the next two years. The E7 board only meets once a year in February usually and they release the list around April/May of each year. So by 2014 if he has not been picked up for it, those are our two options. I wouldn't mind either choice. I think being a recruiter would be good for him and it fits within his limited profile. And it would be pretty cool to be back in Illinois or Iowa for awhile. If you volunteer for recruiting instead of being DA selected (the army forces you to be a recruiter) you get to choose three locations to be stationed at and you are pretty much guaranteed one of those three areas for volunteering for recruiting duty. He does have the cadre time on his records from Benning, but I don't think that would look as good as recruiting or instructing.

We shall see. Planning for the future is hard!!!

Mental struggles

I've been struggling with myself for awhile now. Struggling with everything. School, family, friends, just life in general. I'm in a weird place with my thoughts. I've been looking at everything in a negative light and feeling like a loser. If I could turn back time and start my adult life over again I would in a heartbeat. I wish I would've went to college right after high school. I wish I would have waited longer to have kids. I wish I would have been a better friend. I wish I wasn't so anxiety ridden. I wish I could just not care about things that bother me. I wish my husband had not gotten blown up in Iraq and changed our lives forever. Because he is injured there is only so much he can do. "They" say nothing should hold him back...but in all actuality it DOES. He can't do the schools he wanted to before injury in the army, he can't go Green to Gold or OCS because they don't allow medical waivers. He can't be a scout anymore, but is still a scout doing paperwork in an office. I mean I guess we should be grateful he is still alive, and I most certainly am, but every now and then we can have our pity party about the way our lives will be from now on.

I've been struggling with my school choice for awhile. Let's face it, I am going to American Military University online....a for profit school. That makes me nervous and I question this choice every day. No one wants to say their school is bad or might be bad. I always just mention the positives when talking about AMU...but always in the back of my head a little voice is screaming "for profit, for profit" at me. I have thought about transferring and even filled out an application and started the transfer process to Hawaii Pacific University...but I'm over halfway done and with transferring comes more stress. Putting Brandon in daycare being one of those stresses and I most certainly don't like to spend money unless absolutely necessary on things like that. So I have ultimately decided if my transfer doesn't go through before the next semester starts at HPU I will  just stick it out with AMU and hope for the best. I was worried about getting letters of recommendations from my professors, but after talking to my adviser I can still get those by just emailing and working it out with whichever professors I want a recommendation from.
I think I get a quality education most of the time, but I do wonder if it hurts to go to for profit schools. I mean, I have talked to some of my other friends who have said they barely do any work and pass the classes, and most of them never even open their textbooks to read assigned chapters or have any tests or quizzes to take. I wonder how much we are really learning if we can slip by so easily??? And some of the bozo's in class, REALLY make me wonder how much "quality" is really in these schools. So yeah, I do have qualms about this, since these types of schools seem to always be looked down on and let just about anybody in.... but I am hoping for the best.

Then I constantly struggle with my age and feeling too old. And I don't want to take on debt from my undergad and grad degrees and not be able to get a job and be in debt for nothing. I want it to be worth it. I think this is my biggest struggle. My age and feeling and wondering if this is worth it. I seriously thought last night about just saying screw it and becoming a real estate agent. I absolutely can see myself doing that and being so good at it. I would love, love, love that job..... helping people find their dream homes or selling their current home is something I can totally picture myself doing. I hope I can make the best decision for ME...both financially (short and long term) and personally.

Family visit

I have been MIA for almost a month! Wowza! I really haven't been that busy either, but I think I just lead a boring life. My brother, his girlfiriend, and my niece were just out here to visit for the past week. They actually just left today. It was sad to see them go. We had an amazing time!!! We did so much, we were constantly going, going, going. We hiked, went to the beach every day, saw the sights, explored downtown, got lots of shave ice and I cooked dinner almost every night. We just had a blast. It was just what I needed. A little piece of home for awhile. We also went to a luau, which was also our first time. We went to Paradise Cove and it was a blast! We all had so much fun. Lots of activities before dinner for the kids and the food was delicious! We were seated next to another military family so we talked to them for awhile that night. The show was good as well and the dancing was amazing. I can't wait to go back!!I am so glad they came to visit. It has lifted my mood so much. I was getting a little depressed missing my family and just having that sense of "home" felt so good. I am also really looking forward to showing my mom and stepdad the island when they come to visit in just a little over a month.

Now that they are gone its time to get back on a schedule and also get back in the swing of school. Kaylie got her troop assignment for Girl Scouts and we are both excited about that. That starts in just a couple weeks. She gets out of school early every day next week due to parent/teacher conferences as well. Seems like that came fast since school just started not even a month ago yet! But whatever.

I have no classes right now. I am still waiting on transfer stuff for Hawaii Pacific University. If that doesn't happen in time I will just start my next class with AMU in October. So I am off of school for awhile. It's boring, but I will enjoy the break from writing papers!!

That's about all. I live such a boring life!

Summer comes to an end

It's weird to say that because it's It only July 28th. But school starts on Monday so really, it's the end of summer as far as summer break is concerned. I didn't do much this summer. I'm kind of disappointed in myself for that. I wanted to take the kids to do stuff and I really didn't. Oh, well. There is always next summer!

Kaylie is starting 4th grade. Her teacher seems really nice so that makes me happy. She got a tooth pulled earlier this week in preparation for her braces that are going on this week. She is getting braces only on the bottom right now to correct her sideways tooth. She is estimated to have them on for 8-12 months. Not too bad. Brandon is still not potty trained, which is frustrating for me. I wanted him potty trained before school started again. I guess he has a different plans than that, because he is not interested in the potty at all. Bummer! At least we broke him of the "pie" fairly easy. Only one night of crying then he was golden! We haven't looked back since. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

My brother, his girlfriend, and my niece are coming out in two weeks. I am so excited for that! I am looking forward to having a piece of home for awhile. It will feel good and maybe relieve some of the homesickness I have been feeling. And I really can't wait to show them this beautiful island!!

So Curt's new plans are to get out of the army after this enlistment is up. That means we won't leave Hawaii until June 2015 if he doesn't reenlist. This is a three year tour which is supposed to over Dec 2014, but they won't PCS (move) you unless you have at least a year left on your contract. That will obviously not be us. I am hoping he will change his mind (and I'm sure he will more than once) and decides to stay in.

Other than that, its been a pretty boring couple weeks since my last blog! Gonna go and enjoy our last weekend before school on Monday. :)

Just listen!

I always wonder if people really listen when other people talk. One of the things that bothers me most in life is when I have a problem, want to vent, whatever the case may be and try and talk to someone about it...They either A) interrupt me B) as soon as I am done telling my story they start their own or C) say "me too," then start telling me about their own problems, vents, whatever. Sometimes I just want people to LISTEN to me and let me tell my story and problems/vents, without it turning into them and their problems/vents. I know we all do it, but for the record, I try really hard not to.I know people do it as a way to try and relate to my problem/vents/issues, but honestly it just makes me feel like you didn't hear me. It just bugs me when I am talking to someone about an issue I am having or just want someone to give ME advice and they always end up turning it around. It really bugs me. Are we really that self centered we always have to have the conversation about us? I mean, this goes for me too. I work on that everytime I am listening to someone else. Here is a quote I love:


"You have two ears and one mouth, listen twice as much as you talk."

Listen, really listen.
Don't interrupt.
Ask questions.

Speak clearly and easily, but not too much.
Don't talk about yourself,
Or interrupt.
My grandma has great conversational skills.  She asks questions. She listens. She pauses and comments thoughtfully. She looks like she genuinely wants to hear what I say. She makes it easy to talk about subjects I rarely talk about. She doesn't follow up with her own story to make me wonder if she was listening. Never once does she say, "Me, too."
Good conversation benefits from intelligence and wit, but requires sincerity. It isn't about finding common interests so much as it's about expressing thoughts, and thoughts don't need to have anything in common except for the two people discussing them.


My gripe for tonight. Did you really listen to me? Or are you relating it to yourself and saying "me too?" ;)

Planning

So our first 4th here in Hawaii was okay. Nothing spectacular. We had a few friends over and we cooked, hung out, then walked over a few blocks to see the fireworks. Worst fireworks show I have ever seen. I decided that night we would go downtown next year to see the show, so the next morning I booked a room at the Hale Koa (military resort only) for a night. Yes, I am that crazy!

This past weekend we went out to Turtle Bay and loved that area and resort. Our 10 year wedding anniversary is in a couple months and I thought it would be nice to get a room at the little beach cottages they have to celebrate that and spend time as a family. But sadly they are booked :(  Too bad too because they are really nice!!
So I ended up booking us an oceanfront suite at the Hilton Hawaiian in Waikiki for the weekend. Should be a nice way to celebrate our 10 years. I was debating on renewing our vows so we could have a "real" wedding. But, really, after I thought about I though there is no point. Its more for the experience of just having a wedding, and  we are past that. I don't need it. I might not have had the dress, but I was married by a minister in a church. So I would rather spend time with my family enjoying what we have accomplished over our thirteen years together total. Of course it is every girls dream to have "the dress," but that's not for me anymore. Five years ago, I wanted that and even got the David's Bridal books to shop for a dress. But after we moved here and I thought "oh yeah we will be in Hawaii for our 10 year, and vow renewal on the beach," I really thought about it and decided against it. Maybe I'll change my mind at our 15 or 20 year anniversary.  So we will have a quiet family weekend with our family downtown in our ocean front suite with two lanais for our ten year. :)

I am also a year and a half away from graduating with my BA. That is, as long as I stay on track and take no more long breaks. I was talking to my brother the other day about graduate school and I have already started researching prerequisites for the schools I am more than likely going to be applying at. Of course this will all be dependent on where the military takes us after we leave here. Obviously I won't have enough time to complete my Master's here unless we extend and I don't want to do that. Three years is long enough for me here. So I have looked at Columbus State University, Troy University, and Auburn University so far. That is dependent on if (crossing fingers) we do go back to GA after here. It will more than likely be one of three places if Curt doesn't reclass to a career counselor.
If he doesn't he has three options he is looking at. Either Benning to be an instructor, back to Belvoir to work at PEO again, or Colorado to do WCAP. The last one is the one that is least likely. If he does reclass to a CC, we could really go anywhere. It might not be up to us. So we will see.

My brother and niece are coming in 35 days. I am so excited! I have been planning an itinerary for them while they are here. I just want to have an idea of what I want to show them and not so much follow it to a tee. It's just to have a plan in my mind. I'm so excited to have family come and visit. I miss them!

I am also going to be planning a birthday party for Kaylie at least this year. Brandon has yet to have a party, and Kaylie has only had one party. I don't see the need to have a party every single year, I think it can become too excessive and needless and they are already spoiled rotten, and I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they are entitled to anything, including a birthday party every single year. I grew up with only one birthday party. My sister never had any, and my brother had one...for his first birthday. I don't know. Birthdays have never been that big of a deal to me. I think a birthday party every now and then is fine, especially "milestone" birthdays. So since this year, Kaylie is turning ten, I am going to have a party. Probably at the bowling alley or whatever she wants. Brandon, is still iffy if we will. My mom and stepdad will be out here that week for their vacation so we will see about that one. I might wait until next year and have a party for his golden birthday. :)

The rest of the year is going to fly by! School is starting in just a few more weeks. Then everyone will be visiting, I have birthdays galore coming up the rest of the year after August (thanks to my sister for having so many damn kids with birthdays! haha) then it will be the holidays again along with the end of our first year in paradise. So far, so good! Loving Hawaii! :)

Ramblings

Nothing much going on. We hiked Manoa Falls last weekend. It was a beautiful hike! I loved it. I can't wait for my brother and niece to get here so I can take them on that hike. I know they will love it. Summer is going by so fast. I can't believe it's July already! School starts for Kaylie the end of this month. Crazy huh? Who starts school in July??? lol

I feel the rest of this year is going to fly by and before we know it it will be Christmas again and we will have been in Hawaii for a year! Wowza. We are going to try and enjoy these last few weeks of summer break though. I have so much I want to do, but time restraints put those plans on hold. Tomorrow is the 4th and we have no big plans. Just having a few friends over and then we'll walk over to watch the fireworks later that night. Luckily we only live a few blocks away from the venue so it shouldn't be too bad for us.

We broke Brandon of his pacifier yesterday. he threw them in the garbage and that was that! He has cried for it a few times and last night was a rough night. He was up a lot crying, but we didn't give in! He has only asked for it once today as well. I keep explaining to him he is a big boy now and he can't have a "pie" anymore, they are for babies. Next week I am going to hard core potty train (hopefully). I will do just like I did with Kaylie and be a hermit for the week and have him naked in the house. I hope this works. Potty training is the hardest thing to do!

I have also put in a transfer request to Hawaii Pacific University. The good news about that is ALL of my credits will transfer over to HPU from AMU. That makes me SOOOOOO happy!! No repeating any classes!! I did that for a few reasons. The main one being I want interaction with my professors and I want to be able to have REAL personal references when I go on for my Master's. Going to school online does not allow for me to personally know any of my professors so I don't know how easy or hard it would be to get those recommendations. I think it will just allow me to have better connections in the "real world." If I do decide to finish the transfer and go through with it, I am hoping to be able to go full time in the day. I don't know how that would work yet with Kaylie in school and Brandon needing a baby-sitter then. I will take that as it comes. I might even decide to stay with AMU for the convenience of doing school out of my own home at my own pace.

I have been struggling lately with school. I don't know why. I was doing so good before and able to take two classes at a time no problem. Then we moved here and I started struggling. I don't know if its the time change (I lose 6 hours from the east coast). I need to finish my degree and I will, but right now I am definitely feeling the time crunch as far as my age is concerned. Curt was going to transfer his GI bill to me to use at HPU, but I want to save that for my Master's which is typically more expensive. I also need to take the GMAT before I go on to graduate school. Most schools I have looked at require that to get in and I want a good score on that to be able to put on my records as well.

I just feel pressured. Pressured to finish fast and pressure to get on with my life. I think that another thing that is making me balk at school right now. The pressure is getting to me!!!