My worst enemy

My worst enemy right now is my weight. I know I probably sound like a broken record, but it is one of THE hardest issues I am dealing with in my life. Since we moved to Hawaii I have gained so much weight. I weighed 133 when we moved here in December 2011. Now...get ready...I weigh 169.5. Yup, you read that right 169.5. I am overweight...and the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I hate it. It makes me depressed. I get short of breath climbing the stairs and almost none of my clothes fit me. I had to buy new shorts because I couldn't fit in my size 12 anymore. So yes...I am a size 14 right now. So freakin' depressing.

One of my New Year's resolutions was to lose 30 pounds this year. I started off good, then fell off the bandwagon. Now I'm trying to jump back on it. But its SO hard. I love food. During times of stress its my saving grace. I'm an emotional eater. We have so much stress in our lives right now with Curt getting out of the army that I have turned to food to help comfort myself. Because of that I have gained 10 pounds in that last month. It's horrible!! I've cried over it, I've felt so sad over it, I've delved into depression over it. I HATE it.

I don't have anyone to do this for but myself and my family. My kids especially. I want them to see that being healthy is important but, again, its so hard giving up food I love. I'm trying though. I've been working out an hour a day. 30 minutes of Jillian Michael's Total Body Revolution in the morning and 30 minutes of walking/jogging on the treadmill in the evening. It hurts. My entire body was sore. I think I started to overdo it because I started feeling horrible. So I've cut back on that hour a day and only do 30 minutes now. I have been alternating DVD's and Treadmill. My off day is Sunday where I do nothing. I also am on a 1200 calorie diet. Somedays I go over that amount, but not by much. I had 70 calories left over yesterday so there are also days I don't even reach that 1200 calories. I was also so proud of myself the other day. I wanted a McDonald's cheeseburger so bad and instead of going and satisfying that craving I opted to eat an apple with peanut butter instead. It's the small things like that that are going to make the difference for me! I was proud of myself for making that decision!

I am also trying to cut out pop. Which is hard for me. I'm a Mountain Dew addict. I mean I don't drink a lot of pop a day. Two cans, sometimes three, so at least I'm not drinking a case a day or anything crazy. The last two days I limited myself to one a day of the small cans and I did good. Today I tried none at all and am now nursing a horrible headache. But at least my water intake has increased.

I think the most frustrating thing for me is I want instant results and when I don't see them I get discouraged, frustrated, and just want to give up. I think about that all the time. I know they say it takes awhile to see results so I just have to stick with it and push through those discouraging thoughts. And I am setting short goals for myself in 10 pound increments. That way I don't feel that my goal is out of reach. Little goals help to reach the bigger goal in the end.

I think this is going to be a battle for me. But I'm trying and that's what counts!!