It has begun!

Yup, his Med Board has officially started. With it brings tons of appointments. I'm excited yet nervous about this whole process. He brought home this huge folder and I sat and read it all. Then I sat and read the entire AR 40-501 Chapter 3. LOL. I really did. I analyzed the whole chapter. After reading it I'm pretty confident he will be found fit for duty and just have to change his MOS. Apparently the boards are running behind schedule. So his PEBLO told him we will be here approximately 300 more days. Well, that is how long the whole process could take. His MED board will be about 100 days and then the rest is the PEB (Physical Evaluation Board). He has to go get a full physical at the VA and he has his next appt. on Monday with ACAP (Army Career & Alumini Program). It sucks because I had to cancel my trip to Georgia since he will be having so many appointments for this. It's imperative that he is available for all appointments he needs to go to and some of his appts could even be on the weekends.
I am glad this is all getting underway though. After three years of waiting we will finally know our future.

In this packet he brought home there is this website you can go to and it will tell you what the VA has been rating people with similar injuries. From what I gathered Curt is looking at possibly getting 100% disability rating. At the very least he will get 60% which is still good. I like the thought of staying in the army (and Curt does want to stay in) but to me, the more I think about the, the more the thought of retirement sounds better and better. I mean we're doing extremely well saving. We have his entire social security money we get each moth going into two separate accounts. We've gotten a pretty good amount saved for both our emergency fund (which is untouchable) and our house fund. Our house fund is fairly new but we put over a grand in it a month and it makes good interest so we'll be fine once we do buy a house-- be it now if he gets retired or later on down the road.

I mean even though I am nervous about this process I'm also excited. I'm excited to get out of here. I'm excited if we get to stay in and where we would go next. I'm excited if they do retire him and we move back to Georgia, buy a house, settle down, and live life in one area. Something I want for my kids. Stability.

So I had my breakdown the other night. I don't think I slept that night at all. It felt good to get it all out, even if I did look like hell the next day with huge puffy eyes! haha I was just stressed out to the max. I mean I still am, but I'm trying to just roll with the punches and let things happen as they happen. There's no point worrying about the future or what is going to happen next. I just have to let it come at me when it comes at me. Worrying is getting me nothing but more stress and then I freak out and have a meltdown.

I think there is only so long I can hold myself together before I crack. It's not good. I need to let it out when it's building instead of waiting for the tide to come in. That does nothing but allow myself to drown! So..I'm trying to be more positive, go with the flow person. It's just hard when we have NO ONE here at all. No friends really, no support system here whatsoever. I have never missed Georgia more than I have lately. I mean, yes, we were ready to leave. To experience our first army move. I wouldn't take any of that back. I was definitely ready for a change. Georgia has some of my best memories and worst memories. I wanted to escape from my nightmares there. BUT I learned, you can't escape... no matter where you go. It still follows. My past will always haunt me I've learned. Change of scenery doesn't fix that!

I've also not been happy with my own self lately. I feel fat and disgusted at myself. I'm in a low place self esteem wise. I hate all my clothes, all my shoes, and especially the way I look. I mean before I was pregnant I was wearing a BIKINI, a bikini!!! Now I wouldn't be caught dead in one. I just want to be in the biggest tshirt I have and my sweatpants. I'm just in a bad spot right now with all that. After Brandon I was only 5 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight...then it slowly started to come back on. Don't get me wrong, it was totally worth having my baby! But, it ruined me. I don't know if I'll ever look like I did pre-pregnancy. This is something else that has made me miss Georgia. I mean here, I can't go to the gym. I'm self conscious about it. So I just walk almost every day that I can all around the neighborhood. A good 40 minute daily walk. If I was in Georgia you bet your ass I would be at the gym with Amanda or Tracey! I hate working out alone and would love nothing more than to go the gym at one of their apartment complexes and work out for an hour. Sigh....maybe that will be a reality in 300 days! haha

Anyway, thats our life in a nutshell. Curt is training everday for these Warrior Games in a few weeks. I'm at home, miserable, contemplating life and all that, Kaylie is at school, Brandon is here with me of course. I feel we are in a rut, same thing day after day. I'm glad the Med board has started. It is the beginning to our future. And I'm ready for what it has to bring!